Joke of the Day - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-23-2002, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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Talking Joke of the Day

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with motorcyle engines so thought he'd become a motorcycle mechanic.
The good doctor went along to the Am Inst. of M/C in Daytona Beach, FL, the best m/c mechanics school in the country, and completed the training class. The final exam was to strip a bike engine completely and reassemble it - obviously back into perfect working order. So our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited the result.

The day he received the results he got quite a surprise, he got 150%! He quickly phoned the instructor and queried the mark. The instructor said, "No, no that's right. First I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine -- a very thorough job. Next I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job really. Then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the muffler."

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-23-2002, 12:19 PM
Who's faster Lupi
 
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A man walks into a bar. No one there but the bartender. He orders a drink. The bartender excuses himself to go tend to the cooler.

The man is sitting there and he hears a voice. "Nice Pants"

The man gets up and look around and sees no one. Must be he needs more to drink.

So he sits back down and again he hears a voice, "Thats a great tie"

The man looks around again and sees no one.

Then the bartender comes back in behind the bar.

The man asks, "Were you just talking to me?"

"No havent said a word since I left," the bartender replied.

"Thats strange, I'm hearing voices then. I though someone said nice pants" The man said.

The bartender replied, "O those are the peanuts, they are complimentary"

NESBA #456 Intermediate
Always 1 step ahead of Lupi. 1:24:7 BHF
And 1 step behind Kimmy

"SoB gets to spend yet ANOTHER season faster than me." -LUPI-
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-23-2002, 02:00 PM
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R U guys bored today or something?
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-23-2002, 02:01 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by BABETTE
R U guys bored today or something?

Yep,

Nobody's posting so I'm getting creative

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-23-2002, 02:44 PM
Who's faster Lupi
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by BABETTE
R U guys bored today or something?
Umm yep.

NESBA #456 Intermediate
Always 1 step ahead of Lupi. 1:24:7 BHF
And 1 step behind Kimmy

"SoB gets to spend yet ANOTHER season faster than me." -LUPI-
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-23-2002, 04:44 PM
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One nope, One yep.

Well crazy keep it coming. I'm bored and I have 15 minutes before I leave.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-23-2002, 05:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Champ91
The bartender replied, "O those are the peanuts, they are complimentary"
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-25-2002, 06:50 AM
CLSB RESIDENT REDNECK!!!!
 
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3 guys walk into a bar the fourth one ducks! I have always loved that joke, I don't know why.


Mark

Mark

2001 F4i Red/Black ( She Gone )
2003 GMC Sierra Z71 Pewter
Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteSeatEnvy View Post
lol It's even typed in redneck!

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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-25-2002, 10:15 AM
Jim
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Polish joke

Poland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small 2 seater plane
crashed into a cemetery this morning. Polish search and rescue workers
have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that the number will climb as
the digging continues into the night.

Join the NRA, help protect our Second Amendment rights
GO Bears!!!!!!!!
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-25-2002, 12:12 PM
Please attend carefully..
 
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Re: Polish joke

Quote:
Originally posted by JimGoFast
Poland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small 2 seater plane
crashed into a cemetery this morning. Polish search and rescue workers
have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that the number will climb as
the digging continues into the night.
isc do dom i spac!!

"Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn't misuse it." - JP2

"Life is just a place where we spend time between games" - former Philadelphia Flyers coach Fred Shero

"everyone's a nutjob, some just have more restraint than others" - EndlessRR
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-25-2002, 12:29 PM
Jim
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Re: Re: Polish joke

Quote:
Originally posted by Norseman82


isc do dom i spac!!
You want to quote me or what im saying speak to me in english!!!!!!!

Join the NRA, help protect our Second Amendment rights
GO Bears!!!!!!!!
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-26-2002, 10:47 AM
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MasterCard wedding, (this is really good)
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give
everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!" he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge ... making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial
outta this?

*Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and Friends...........................$32,000.

*Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion.........................$3,000.

*Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in
Maui.....................................$8,500

*The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10
glossy of the bride humping the best man .......................priceless.

*There are something's money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD!!!
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-26-2002, 10:48 AM
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
>
>Smart man + smart woman = romance
>
>Smart man + dumb woman = affair
>
>Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
>
>Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
>
>OFFICE ARITHMETIC
>
>Smart boss + smart employee = profit
>
>Smart boss + dumb employee = production
>
>Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
>
>Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
>
>SHOPPING MATH
>
>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
>
>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
>
>GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
>
>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
>
>A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
>
>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
>HAPPINESS
>
>To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
>little.
>
>To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand
>her at all.
>
>LONGEVITY
>
>Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more
>willing to die.
>
>PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
>
>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
>
>A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
>
>DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
>
>A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that
>is the beginning of a new argument.
>
>HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
>
>Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
>cackling, telling me "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
>same thing to them at funerals.
>
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