50 things all girls should know... - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-24-2005, 09:25 PM Thread Starter
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50 things all girls should know...

1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.
2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.
3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.
4. Shave your shit. Seriously, shave it bald.
5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.
6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.
8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.
9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.
10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.
11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.
12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.
13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.
14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass.
15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.
16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.
17. Once again, seriously shave your shit.
18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.
19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.
20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends. We really don't care what you do.
21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.
22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.
23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).
24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.
25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.
26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.
27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.
29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.
30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.
31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.
32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.
33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.
34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.
35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.
36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.
37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.
38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.
39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.
40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.
41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.
42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.
43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.
44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm
45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.
46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.
47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.
48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your shit!
49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck.
50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards. Seriously ladies this list is the truth and all guys think this way. If your boyfriend says that he does not agree with these then he is either a fag or he does not have the balls to admit it like I just did. This list is all that you need. Take your pussy Seventeen magazines or whatever the hell that you read and burn them or something, those quizzes in there do not mean shit.

-Mopar

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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-24-2005, 09:34 PM
 
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Fuckin' A! Well said!
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 07:48 AM
 
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#51: Unless you're taking it up the ass, the missionary position is b-o-r-i-n-g....try something new.

#52: If you want to know what having 2 guys is like(since we all want 2 girls at once), get out your vibrator and use it like normal while we fuck you in the ass.
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 08:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taziscool
#51: Unless you're taking it up the ass, the missionary position is b-o-r-i-n-g....try something new.

#52: If you want to know what having 2 guys is like(since we all want 2 girls at once), get out your vibrator and use it like normal while we fuck you in the ass.


#52 is good stuff bro!!!!
Good call, but that should be in the top 10!!
ha!

"Smooth roads do not make skillful riders"
-----------------------------------------
Keith
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 08:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taziscool
#51: Unless you're taking it up the ass, the missionary position is b-o-r-i-n-g....try something new.

#52: If you want to know what having 2 guys is like(since we all want 2 girls at once), get out your vibrator and use it like normal while we fuck you in the ass.
i think someone has a hankering for the backdoor play.

Chris
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 08:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
i think someone has a hankering for the backdoor play.
Hell, these are just an offshoot from #46.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 09:03 AM
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Things guy should know!

1. Make sure you print the first post and give it to your girl.
2. Repeat number 1.
3. Read the post loud enough that she can hear it.
4. Test your girl on the above 52 things.
5. If above fails get a new girl and start from 1.

Dejan
CCS very very Amateur #144
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 09:50 AM
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 10:31 AM
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This should go over well with the ladies on the forum.

I need your boots, your clothes, and your motorcycle.
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 11:24 AM
 
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Thanks for the info.
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 12:00 PM
pfft.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saq
This should go over well with the ladies on the forum.
I am currently compiling my own list of 25 items (we are far simpler and less demanding then you bastards) and it includes:
#4: when you can't keep it up, just roll over and go to bed. i do not want to look at you trying to wake up your floppy wang.

Last edited by ill_ag; 03-25-2005 at 02:50 PM.
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 02:39 PM
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 02:51 PM
pfft.
 
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and #8: I will swallow when you stop telling me I eat too much, and when you stop eating shit that makes it taste bad. Until then, grab a towel because it's gettin spit out on your beer belly.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 02:52 PM
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If that is what you were mad about with your last drunk thread entry, I truely feel for ya girl
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 02:59 PM
pfft.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirtbiker
If that is what you were mad about with your last drunk thread entry, I truely feel for ya girl

no, it wasn't. I just have a bf who changes his mind every week about whether he even wants a girlfriend. but I'm mostly mad that I'm in capable of walking away.
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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 03:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag
and #8: I will swallow when you stop telling me I eat too much, and when you stop eating shit that makes it taste bad. Until then, grab a towel because it's gettin spit out on your beer belly.

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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 03:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag
and #8: I will swallow when you stop telling me I eat too much, and when you stop eating shit that makes it taste bad. Until then, grab a towel because it's gettin spit out on your beer belly.
I aint givin up onions for nuttin!!

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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 04:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag

no, it wasn't. I just have a bf who changes his mind every week about whether he even wants a girlfriend. but I'm mostly mad that I'm in capable of walking away.

You are plenty capable, and I bet you've done it before. AND YOU ARE A COLLEE STUDENT. Get some strange for gods sake! Make some random little asshole show you his dorm room!
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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 05:02 PM
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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saq
This should go over well with the ladies on the forum.

hey, he's just doin us a public service!!!
now the ladies have no excuses as to what is expected!!!

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post #21 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 05:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag
and #8: I will swallow when you stop telling me I eat too much, and when you stop eating shit that makes it taste bad. Until then, grab a towel because it's gettin spit out on your beer belly.

YO ILL.....I EAT PLENTY OF PINNAPPLES AND PINNAPPLE JUICE

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post #22 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-25-2005, 06:58 PM
pfft.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirtbiker
AND YOU ARE A COLLEE STUDENT. Make some random little asshole show you his dorm room!
I'm 27. There's something very "Mrs Robinson" about shacking up in the dorms.
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post #23 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-26-2005, 01:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag
I'm 27. There's something very "Mrs Robinson" about shacking up in the dorms.
thats the beauty of it all!!!

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post #24 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-26-2005, 02:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag
I'm 27. There's something very "Mrs Robinson" about shacking up in the dorms.
hey.. would it make you feel better if i invited you over to my moms house for some sex and pizza???

Ian
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post #25 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-26-2005, 04:02 PM
pfft.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MM Racing
hey.. would it make you feel better if i invited you over to my moms house for some sex and pizza???


Maybe just have your mom drive you over to my house. If she wants, she can call me first to make sure an adult is here to supervise.
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post #26 of 26 (permalink) Old 03-26-2005, 04:49 PM
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the food you eat changes the taste???? I'm guessing that chicken flavored ramen isn't helping.......

My name is JB, people call me JB

Quote:
Originally Posted by flinchy
"I wouldn't be surprised to see this guy catch a pass with his ass cheeks"
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