Beer Troubleshooting - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-02-2002, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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Talking Beer Troubleshooting

Beer Troubleshooting



SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
CAUSE: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.


SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
CAUSE: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.


SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
CAUSE: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.


SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
CAUSE: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.


SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
CAUSE: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.


SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
CAUSE: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.


SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
CAUSE: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.


SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
CAUSE: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.


SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
CAUSE: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.


SYMPTOM: Vehicle's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
CAUSE: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SECOND OPTION: Open door; extend head.


SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
CAUSE: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.


SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
CAUSE: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.


SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
CAUSE: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.


SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone. Don't recognize the room you're in.
CAUSE: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.


SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
CAUSE: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.


SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
CAUSE: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.


Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-02-2002, 12:08 PM
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I think I am going to put this new found knowledge to good use tonight.




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

- Ronald Reagan

AirTek Heating & Air inc.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-02-2002, 12:19 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by GsxrTony
I think I am going to put this new found knowledge to good use tonight.
That's what I was thinking. Now get your ass back over to my place and help me finish all that beer you left in my refridgerator.

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-02-2002, 12:36 PM
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Ok twist my arm. LOL




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

- Ronald Reagan

AirTek Heating & Air inc.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-02-2002, 12:42 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by GsxrTony
Ok twist my arm. LOL


(BIG TWIST) I get home at 6pm anytime after is fine.

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-02-2002, 01:05 PM
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i've had this list on my refrigerator for about 2 years. lol!

Chris
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-02-2002, 02:45 PM
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this is like "the rules of the road" for the beer drinker....i like beer
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-02-2002, 10:55 PM
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OK, it's time to play "Let's finish the song"

I'll start:

"In heaven there is no beer"

"Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn't misuse it." - JP2

"Life is just a place where we spend time between games" - former Philadelphia Flyers coach Fred Shero

"everyone's a nutjob, some just have more restraint than others" - EndlessRR
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-03-2002, 08:27 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by Norseman82
OK, it's time to play "Let's finish the song"

I'll start:

"In heaven there is no beer"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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