Cows, INC - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-23-2002, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
 
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Talking Cows, INC

Subject: Cows, Inc.

>DEMOCRAT:
>You have two cows.
>Your neighbor has none.
>You feel guilty for being successful.
>You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you
>to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
>The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give
>it to your neighbor.
>You feel righteous.
>Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>
>
>SOCIALIST:
>You have two cows.
>The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
>You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>
>
>REPUBLICAN:
>You have two cows.
>Your neighbor has none.
>So?
>
>
>COMMUNIST:
>You have two cows.
>The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
>You wait in line for hours to get it.
>It is expensive and sour.
>
>
>CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
>You have two cows.
>You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>
>
>DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
>You have two cows.
>The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support
>a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from
>your government.
>
>
>BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
>You have two cows.
>The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for
>the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
>
>
>AMERICAN CORPORATION:
>You have two cows.
>You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
>You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows.
>You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
>You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and
>are reducing expenses.
>Your stock goes up.
>
>
>FRENCH CORPORATION:
>You have two cows.
>You go on strike because you want three cows.
>You go to lunch.
>Life is good.
>
>
>JAPANESE CORPORATION:
>You have two cows.
>You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
>and produce twenty times the milk.
>They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
>Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>
>
>GERMAN CORPORATION:
>You have two cows.
>You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
>excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
>Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
>
>
>ITALIAN CORPORATION:
>You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
>While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
>You break for lunch.
>Life is good.
>
>
>RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
>You have two cows.
>You count them and learn you have five cows.
>You have some more vodka.
>You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
>You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
>You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
>You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
>The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
>
>TALIBAN CORPORATION:
>You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
>You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
>parts.
>At night when no one is looking, you have sex with both of them.
>Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the
>hospital.
>
>
>POLISH CORPORATION:
>You have two bulls.
>Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
>
>FLORIDA CORPORATION:
>You have a black cow and a brown cow.
>Everyone votes for the best looking one.
>Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black
>one.
>Some people vote for both.
>Some people vote for neither.
>Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
>Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
>best-looking one.
>
>
>NEW YORK CORPORATION:
>You have fifteen million cows.
>You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you
>pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-23-2002, 02:55 PM
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-23-2002, 08:54 PM
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Arkansas! I almost passed out laughing!

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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-23-2002, 09:07 PM
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-23-2002, 09:27 PM
 
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Re: Cows, INC

Quote:
Originally posted by vtr996
>REPUBLICAN:
>You have two cows.
>Your neighbor has none.
>So?
>
That's what I'm talkin about!

Still lmao on the rest!
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-23-2002, 09:43 PM
 
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-23-2002, 10:28 PM
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That was even funnier last year whenI first saw it.

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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-24-2002, 01:29 AM
CLSB RESIDENT REDNECK!!!!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteSeatEnvy View Post
lol It's even typed in redneck!

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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-24-2002, 02:46 PM
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