The Theme Paper - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-05-2002, 09:25 AM Thread Starter
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The Theme Paper

Subject: The theme paper



I thought this was hysterical - enjoy...


>THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE
>
>
>
>
>Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
>
>
>
>Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an
>American University. This really happened.
>
>
>
>
>
>"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the
>tandem
>story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
person
>sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the
>first
>paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
>and
>then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then
add
>a
>third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has
>been
>written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be
>absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on
>the
>paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
reached."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
>
>
>
>Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
>
>
>
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>STORY:
>
>
>
>(first paragraph by Rebecca)
>
>
>
>At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>camomile,
>which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
>her
>too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked
>camomile.
>But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His
>possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much
>her
>asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.
>
>
>------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(second paragraph by Gary)
>
>
>
>Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
>now
>in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than
>the
>neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he
had
>spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation
17,"
>he
>said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
>sign
>of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish
particle
>
>beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's
cargo
>bay.
>The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across
>the
>cockpit.
>
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>
>
>He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
>one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
>had
>ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless
>hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
>Law
>Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
>newspaper
>one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She
>stared
>out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
>unhurriedly
>and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract
her
>from
>her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
>"Why
>must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
>wistfully.
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Gary)
>
>
>
>Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands
>
>of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first
of
>its
>lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
>Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
>Earth
>a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined
>to
>destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the
treaty
>the
>Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
to
>pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
>initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
the
>atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile
>submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt
>the
>inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie
>and 85
>million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
>conference
>table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow
>'em
>out of the sky!"
>
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>
>
>This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
>writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Gary)
>
>
>
>Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
>writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
>camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no,
>I'm
>an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
>
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>
>
>Asshole.
>
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Gary)
>
>
>
>Bitch.
>
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>
>
>Wanker.
>
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Gary)
>
>
>
>Slut.
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>
>
>Get fucked.
>
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Gary)
>
>
>
>Eat shit.
>
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>
>
>FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
>
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
>(Gary)
>
>
>
>Go drink some tea - you whore.
>
>
>
>************************************************** ***********
>
>
>
>(Teacher)
>
>
>
>A+ - I really liked this one.
>
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-05-2002, 09:29 AM
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i've read this before, its a classic. the only thing this is missing is at the end the guy should have asked her out for drinks.

Chris
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-05-2002, 09:39 AM
 
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HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

That was awesome.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-05-2002, 10:44 AM
Jim
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Now thats funny!!!! but oh so true!!!

Join the NRA, help protect our Second Amendment rights
GO Bears!!!!!!!!
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-05-2002, 11:38 AM
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my eyes are tearing!
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-06-2002, 12:17 AM
CLSB RESIDENT REDNECK!!!!
 
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Mark

Mark

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2003 GMC Sierra Z71 Pewter
Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteSeatEnvy View Post
lol It's even typed in redneck!

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