I'm not asking for much.... - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 04:42 PM Thread Starter
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I'm not asking for much....

but when you come into the public washroom at my work and the urinal you just finished using wont stop running please jiggle the handle before you leave. I know you heard it still running when you were washing your hands, just jiggle it! The sound of that running water was throwing off my game as I lay waste to the shitter.





Also, to the dude that has to grunt like he's giving birth to a watermelon, PLEASE TRY TO STIFLE THAT. Your grunting, pushing, measured breathing make's Vcook laugh. Laughing mid log is bad.

that is all.

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post #2 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 04:44 PM
yo quiero su taco
 
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Maybe the guy wasn't taking a sh*t at all. Maybe he was grunting because he was rubbing one off. lol

"includes 10 used-car dealers or auto repair shops, 11 liquor stores and bars--two of which advertise lingerie fashion shows and a third billed as a "gentlemen's club"--three cut-rate motels and one trailer park. The squat, brick municipal building is next to a currency exchange and a few steps from an adult video store. The bars open at 10 a.m. and close at 6:30 a.m."

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Something must be fishy...I am going to go poke around in the back end..

Last edited by whiteSeatEnvy; 09-21-2005 at 04:46 PM.
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post #3 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 04:45 PM
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post #4 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 04:49 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteSeatEnvy
Maybe the guy wasn't taking a sh*t at all. Maybe he was grunting because he was rubbing one off. lol
sadly this doesnt bother me, as long as he stifles the noise, i'm trying to shit here!

Chris
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post #5 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 04:50 PM
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I managed a pizza joint in Carol Stream waaay back in the day ...middle of the day someone took a HUGE dump In the urinal. No locks on the doors either. Imagine my surprise when I walked in I gave an employee $30 to take a pair of salad tongs and scoop it out

Mustve been one big dude cause it was a volkswagon sized loaf

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post #6 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 04:55 PM
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post #7 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 04:57 PM
yo quiero su taco
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2weelpilot
I managed a pizza joint in Carol Stream waaay back in the day ...middle of the day someone took a HUGE dump In the urinal. No locks on the doors either. Imagine my surprise when I walked in I gave an employee $30 to take a pair of salad tongs and scoop it out

Mustve been one big dude cause it was a volkswagon sized loaf


"includes 10 used-car dealers or auto repair shops, 11 liquor stores and bars--two of which advertise lingerie fashion shows and a third billed as a "gentlemen's club"--three cut-rate motels and one trailer park. The squat, brick municipal building is next to a currency exchange and a few steps from an adult video store. The bars open at 10 a.m. and close at 6:30 a.m."

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Something must be fishy...I am going to go poke around in the back end..
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post #8 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 05:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2weelpilot
...I gave an employee $30 to take a pair of salad tongs and scoop it out

Mustve been one big dude cause it was a volkswagon sized loaf

hope those tongs got thrown out after that... :barf

...and what did you do to his pizza that made him want payback?

brian
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post #9 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 05:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2weelpilot
I managed a pizza joint in Carol Stream waaay back in the day ...middle of the day someone took a HUGE dump In the urinal. No locks on the doors either. Imagine my surprise when I walked in I gave an employee $30 to take a pair of salad tongs and scoop it out

Mustve been one big dude cause it was a volkswagon sized loaf

.

<-- Chris

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post #10 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 05:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
but when you come into the public washroom at my work and the urinal you just finished using wont stop running please jiggle the handle before you leave. I know you heard it still running when you were washing your hands, just jiggle it! The sound of that running water was throwing off my game as I lay waste to the shitter.





Also, to the dude that has to grunt like he's giving birth to a watermelon, PLEASE TRY TO STIFLE THAT. Your grunting, pushing, measured breathing make's Vcook laugh. Laughing mid log is bad.

that is all.
Forget that...what is with the urine puddle infront of the urinal. We are all grown men....haven't we learned to aim and know when the pressure of the stream is running low and we have to inch forward....i mean come on!!!!

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post #11 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 06:59 PM
 
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Since this thread is about shit I will say some shit about some shit I seen written on a wall with some shit. ( I sit here with my cheeks apart, waiting for a powerful fart, hold a lighter to my ass, want to burn some natural gas ). Shit like that makes me shit with pleasure. So post up your shit where ever you can.
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post #12 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 07:04 PM
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There I sat lonley hearted, tried to shit but only farted

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post #13 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-21-2005, 07:04 PM
 
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post #14 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 08:38 AM
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Has anyone tried to push a loaf out and food came out of the mouth instead???

Quote:
Originally Posted by G2G
No one says you have to get drunk everytime you drink.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snoodles
Isn't that like having sex and not finishing though?
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post #15 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 08:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pale rider
hope those tongs got thrown out after that... :barf

...and what did you do to his pizza that made him want payback?
you have no idea what goes on in restaurants

Mike

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post #16 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 08:46 AM Thread Starter
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also, would it fucking kill them to stock something besides sandpaper for TP?? Seriously, my poor cornchute is all chafed.

Chris
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post #17 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 08:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
also, would it fucking kill them to stock something besides sandpaper for TP?? Seriously, my poor cornchute is all chafed.
Dude, here's a tip, before you release your stress go grab a crapload of tp and wet it!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by G2G
No one says you have to get drunk everytime you drink.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snoodles
Isn't that like having sex and not finishing though?
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post #18 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 08:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
Laughing mid log is bad.
Sneezing is worse! And its really messy when you end up with the involuntary break off from the pinch! Anybody got some wet naps?

"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."
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post #19 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
Also, to the dude that has to grunt like he's giving birth to a watermelon, PLEASE TRY TO STIFLE THAT. Your grunting, pushing, measured breathing make's Vcook laugh. Laughing mid log is bad.
That is just god damn funny

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming WOW, what a RIDE !!"
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post #20 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 08:51 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kegger
Anybody got some wet naps?

this is another one of my beefs. how come babys get nice moist baby wipes and we have to use notebook paper? I'm considering buying baby wipes and stocking the house. Why shouldnt adults pamper their assholes too? So confusing.

Chris
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post #21 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 09:38 AM
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You guys dont already do that, shit ,I have stocked wet naps for years under the counter. If I cant feel fresh and clean I have to get in the shower.. I cant stand that greasy feeling. Especially, after I have had Milk (Mothers or store bought) yeah I am lactose intolerant. I start slinging mudd after milk , so I need to be close to home for that. I mean a man's got to be comfortable right...

***Ashwin RIP Brotha you will be missed***




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post #22 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 09:53 AM
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They have moist toliet paper....haven't you seen the puppy commecial?

Here's some TP trivia
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post #23 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 11:11 AM
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and whats with that automatic flush crap. everytime i lean forward to wipe i get a spritz of toilet water on my ass. that and people in the bathroom must think i have some crazy floaters that i am flushing 5 and 6 times before i exit the stall. now i have to do a modified wipe at work where i lean to the left ( i am right handed) on one buttcheek so i can wipe. They make those dame sensors too sensitive. I mean we are all adults...just flush when your done!!!!!!!!

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post #24 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HEESH
and whats with that automatic flush crap. everytime i lean forward to wipe i get a spritz of toilet water on my ass. that and people in the bathroom must think i have some crazy floaters that i am flushing 5 and 6 times before i exit the stall. now i have to do a modified wipe at work where i lean to the left ( i am right handed) on one buttcheek so i can wipe. They make those dame sensors too sensitive. I mean we are all adults...just flush when your done!!!!!!!!
i have this issue when i lean forward and put my elbows on my knees to read a magazine.

Chris
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post #25 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 11:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HEESH
and whats with that automatic flush crap. everytime i lean forward to wipe i get a spritz of toilet water on my ass. that and people in the bathroom must think i have some crazy floaters that i am flushing 5 and 6 times before i exit the stall. now i have to do a modified wipe at work where i lean to the left ( i am right handed) on one buttcheek so i can wipe. They make those dame sensors too sensitive. I mean we are all adults...just flush when your done!!!!!!!!



Oh God, I thought I was the only one who leans forward to wipe

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post #26 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phily-D


Oh God, I thought I was the only one who leans forward to wipe
My wife does too.

I cant, my twig and berries would take a cool dip in the sewage YUCK!

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post #27 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 11:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kegger
My wife does too.

I cant, my twig and berries would take a cool dip in the sewage YUCK!

That is why i got the elongated toilet bowl upgrade when building my townhome.

Or I use the two hand approach.....one to hold up the family jewels and the other to get down to the dirty business. Why do something so complicated you ask? See the leaning over position provides the best cheek partage possible. Personally i am not a fan of wiping the crap from my asshole only to smear it on my inner buttcheek.

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post #28 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 11:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
i have this issue when i lean forward and put my elbows on my knees to read a magazine.

yeah it sucks....when i take a dump i often lean forward to take a power nap. once i start dozing off the forward lean gets a little farther and then "FLUSH!!!" and i wake up all scared and panicy only to find that i wasn't just dreaming and my pants are really around my ankles.

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post #29 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 12:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
this is another one of my beefs. how come babys get nice moist baby wipes and we have to use notebook paper? I'm considering buying baby wipes and stocking the house. Why shouldnt adults pamper their assholes too? So confusing.
Because adults are too stupid to use them for themselves.........they do say baby wipes on the box. Must be for babies only.
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post #30 of 55 (permalink) Old 09-22-2005, 01:13 PM
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This is the funniest tread I read in a long, long time.

The wierdest think is when people try to make small talk while crapping, what's with that, I want to crap not talk...

Dejan
CCS very very Amateur #144
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