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post #1 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:23 AM Thread Starter
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Are Manners dead?

I just wrote in my blog about manners about reading an article that says they are pretty much dead. The article says how it is perceived to be the parents fault, but that it is also Hollywood and the media glorifying rude behavior.

Chicago has its share of rude people, but I always think it is better than other places... when I moved to a smaller town I found that while people over here are a little more "polite" they are also a lot more detached. Alas Midland is a weird town all together (Dow Chemical headquarters and operation... if you turn the light off I now glow from the radiation)

But seriously, do you guys believe that manners are dead? Do you think being polite and courteous is a thing of the past?

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post #2 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logtar
I just wrote in my blog about manners about reading an article that says they are pretty much dead. The article says how it is perceived to be the parents fault, but that it is also Hollywood and the media glorifying rude behavior.

Chicago has its share of rude people, but I always think it is better than other places... when I moved to a smaller town I found that while people over here are a little more "polite" they are also a lot more detached. Alas Midland is a weird town all together (Dow Chemical headquarters and operation... if you turn the light off I now glow from the radiation)

But seriously, do you guys believe that manners are dead? Do you think being polite and courteous is a thing of the past?
not at all. truth be told, I don't think manners are any worse. Sure there are isolated instances of rudeness (is that a word?) and we always remember the bad and tend to all to easily forget the good. However things like holding a door for a fellow stranger, saying hello to the doorman, these still exist.

Also, people tend to glamourize history, they remember there fond memories, and while the intricate details have faded with history.

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post #3 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logtar
But seriously, do you guys believe that manners are dead? Do you think being polite and courteous is a thing of the past?

No way. I know what youa re saying. Sociaty is treating polite and curtius people a bit different now days then it used to be. Now being agressive and into your face is more welcome then been polite. It is portraid by Hollywood and localy.

Lots of people do give up. But I think been polite is still cool regardless what someon might think. You do not see that many people open a door to the woman now days as it used to be. You do not hear people saying thank youas often as they used to.

I also think that it is mainly parents fault. They do not spend time with their kids. They do not teach them how to be polite.

I do not mean to honk my own horn. But here is what I do with my kid. I teach him and always on his case if he forgets to say Thank you, or Please. Along with other polite words and actions like sharing. he has asthma, so sometimes in the day care they need to give him a treatment and sometimes they bribe him there with candies. This kid hold them in his hand and then when back in the classroom gives them out to everyone. that is what I was told by his teachers. they were all shocked to see this happen. I was shocked to see them shocked.

It mean that other dosen kids parents are not teaching them squad. And it scares me because my kid sees it and might become like them.

It all boils down to family values in my mind.

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post #4 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:35 AM Thread Starter
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I would love to believe that, but I really don't.

I admit that I am ruder than I used to be. Give you an example.

I used to be the chivalrous kind of guy, hold doors, ask women if they needed help when carrying something but working in an office with 80% females made me change all that. Every single time I held a door, or asked if someone needed help I was made feel like I was a chauvinistic pig because, women can do it. I know personally I have lost a lot of the polite behavior that used to be just second nature.

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post #5 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:37 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cougar8000
It all boils down to family values in my mind.
I totally agree, I think that manners go hand in hand with respect! Great post!

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post #6 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:38 AM
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For the most part. I see rude snotty people all day long. I see people cutting in line, not letting people merge, not holding doors for each other, saying "I need or gimme" instead of "May I please have or I would like to have ... please", not hitting woman etc...

I think the parents play a big role in this. I was actually brought up by my mom teaching me all of these things. She always made sure I held doors for other people and said please and thank you. I was also raised that I should help others and not only myself, which I do. If someone is stalled on the road I will help them out change their tire etc...
I also believe another factor is that everyone is always "on the go". Just about everything has a time deadline placed on it. You are even a couple minutes late for work and you get reprimanded for it. So people feel the need to cut in front of everyone thinking that they will get to work faster.
What it all comes down to though is the parents not teaching and the adults only thinking about themselves.
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post #7 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:41 AM
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Manners, sadly are declining. From my perspective it is a combination of the women's movement ("don't hold the door for me"), Hollywood, and declining parenting skills.

Hollywood has been pushing rude attitude, and disrepectful behavior for the last couple of decades, and it just continues to get worse. We have all learned to accept it, and even though it may be funny, it isn't necessarily the thing that kids should be watching as they are developing their mores and behaviors. For example, Beavis & Butthead, Ren & Stimpy, The Simpsons... all are hilarious, but we don't let our kids watch them, never have.

Fathers need to also set a better example for their children and others. Hold doors... simple thing, and it doesn't just have to be for women. Simple things like that tend to make impressions if you are consistent with it. I still open the door on the other side of the car for my wife every time we go anywhere. Simple, but it makes an impact on my 4 daughters on what a gentleman should be, as well as it serves my wife.

Anyhow, YES, manners are declining, from simple things. Go to a nice restaurant, or even any restaurant and pay attention to the table manners. In the 'dark" ages... 30-40 yrs ago, people were actually taught how to behave at the table, in public, etc... it seems that less and less of that is the case these days. Language for example is a component of good manners, but hey, look at how accepted rude and coarse language has become. All one needs to do is to read a thread or two, and you can certainly grasp how commonplace it has become.

Anyhow, rambling over. I hope to see a resurgence in manners and respect for others.

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post #8 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:56 AM
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they are still there but in the same sentence some people dont expect you to be polite. example; co worker walked by my desk and sneezed i said bless you and he looked at me like i just called him a bad name.

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post #9 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logtar
I used to be the chivalrous kind of guy, hold doors, ask women if they needed help when carrying something but working in an office with 80% females made me change all that. Every single time I held a door, or asked if someone needed help I was made feel like I was a chauvinistic pig because, women can do it. I know personally I have lost a lot of the polite behavior that used to be just second nature.
This too. What is it with woman this days? You try to be nice and they think that all youa re trying to do is get in their pants. Well, not right away at least But really. Since when it became a no-no to hold a door for a woman or try to offer help?

Actually, this is just my abservation, but I think African-american woman are better at it then white woman. It apears that they are more confident in them self and know good maners when they see them.
we are talking about profecional people. Please do not get on me for bringing color into it. It is just an observation. I personally don't care what color you are.

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post #10 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 09:59 AM
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It's the fault of motorized vehicles, for some reason people lose all manners upon entering one. Seemly docile people routinely shout, swear and rudely gesticulate while driveing. Over time automobiles have infiltrated our daily lives, some even taken over spending thousands annually for an "impressive" vehicle that they will never even own in reality. It was a natural consequence.........................











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post #11 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 10:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krys
they are still there but in the same sentence some people dont expect you to be polite. example; co worker walked by my desk and sneezed i said bless you and he looked at me like i just called him a bad name.
Don't you hate when this happens. There is one siting next to me and I stop saying bless you to him. At the same time I continue to say it to other people.

This guy asked me once why I always say thank you when he answers my question, or anything in this nature. I had to explain to him that it is just a polite manner and not trying to offend him in any way. What bugs me most is this guy very religios. Isn't religion supposed to teach people to be polite to ALL.

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post #12 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 10:05 AM
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I blame it all on Liberals and Hollywood.

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post #13 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 10:31 AM
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I believe that while once upon a time manners were expected of people, now it is a nice surprise to find that someone has them.

I, too, have found that the further south I move, the more people have manners-- but that doesn't necessarily translate to them being nice. I think people down here are detached as well. I would go so far as to say cold. But hey-- they open doors so that excuses them, right?

I read that article too-- and I am big on manners. Whatever is going on in today's world, it does disappoint me.
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post #14 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag
I believe that while once upon a time manners were expected of people, now it is a nice surprise to find that someone has them.

I, too, have found that the further south I move, the more people have manners-- but that doesn't necessarily translate to them being nice. I think people down here are detached as well. I would go so far as to say cold. But hey-- they open doors so that excuses them, right?

I read that article too-- and I am big on manners. Whatever is going on in today's world, it does disappoint me.
Your right, the geopgraphy does play a part also. Whenever I go to denver I am amazed at how nice everyone is. come back to Chicago and everyone is rude, and from what I hear people in new york at 3 times as rude as people from chicago.




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post #15 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krys
they are still there but in the same sentence some people dont expect you to be polite. example; co worker walked by my desk and sneezed i said bless you and he looked at me like i just called him a bad name.
No he looked at you because he was surprised you were so nice for once!!!


My thoughts....

I think manners are going down the drain. I have seen alot of kids that have no manners. I think parents now days don't take or have the time for their kids so they learn what others do or they just don't learn.


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post #16 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CHeYeNNe
No he looked at you because he was surprised you were so nice for once!!!




here is a perfect example of how kids learn from their parents. cheyenne and i were at the mall a while back and this little kid got bumped and his slice of pizza fell on the floor. the mom made him pick it up and eat it. that is disgusting, i could understand if he was goofing around making him throw it away and wait a while till he got another piece yanno tough love but it wasnt his fault and she made him eat it. worse part is it fell face down on the floor in the middle of the walk are!!


EDIT: mind you this kid couldnt have been more than 11 or 12 yrs old

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post #17 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CHeYeNNe
No he looked at you because he was surprised you were so nice for once!!!

Yes he was thinking "if by bless you you mean fuck off then I understand?"




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post #18 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krys



here is a perfect example of how kids learn from their parents. cheyenne and i were at the mall a while back and this little kid got bumped and his slice of pizza fell on the floor. the mom made him pick it up and eat it. that is disgusting, i could understand if he was goofing around making him throw it away and wait a while till he got another piece yanno tough love but it wasnt his fault and she made him eat it. worse part is it fell face down on the floor in the middle of the walk are!!
But was the 5 second rule in effect?




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post #19 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HDTony
Yes he was thinking "if by bless you you mean fuck off then I understand?"


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post #20 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HDTony
But was the 5 second rule in effect?

nope, cause he stood there looking at his mom like "what do i do?" and she snapped at him to pick it up he was going to eat it.

think of the shit on that floor, she would rather put his health at risk instead of buy another $3.50 piece of pizza

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post #21 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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Ok, is it good manners to hijack a thread... come on, stay on topic, I believe this is an important discussion that we can all learn from.

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post #22 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:24 AM
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post #23 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 11:40 AM
 
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It comes out when you work retail. You see the good and the bad in people, and sometimes it's pretty extreme. One customer that stood out, came in with her son to a health food store where I worked. Not that she was overly rude, just seemed "ditsy", so anything that would come off as being rude or just plain stupid, I would chalk up to the "ditsiness". The kid was also pretty reckless in the store and it seemed like she had a hard time controlling him. When he was whining as I rang her up, she said "We've got to get back in time to watch 'Clueless' (the sitcom at that time)...our whole schedule revolves around TV." And forget the stupidity, rudeness, or moronic behavior of the kid...at that moment I just felt pretty sad. Not for her, but for all of the people who have to deal with her and her family. Granted, there might be a few exceptions and no doubt there's folks out there who think she's a grand lady. But the sad part is that when we hear anyone make fun of the typical 'American', that she falls very well into that catergory. She was the defining stereotype.

We all have acts of temper sometimes, but it's overall that matters. Are you just pissed and angry one day or everyday? Usually if it's a single case, then the people around you on a regular basis know better. But sitting in traffic and getting cut off by a guy having the worst day of his life, you'd never know.
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post #24 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 12:57 PM
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One of the worst is when you say Hi to them and ask them how their day is going and they can't even make an effort to look at you.
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post #25 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 01:18 PM
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I read somewhere once that "Manners are the mortar bonding the bricks of civilized society". I thought that was a nice quote - and a good analogy.

And I, too, feel that good manners are going the way of the 8-track and buttonhooks.

And I, too, blame Hollywood and liberals!

"Please", "thank you" and "may I" are fast becoming endangered species, along with the Golden Rule.

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post #26 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 01:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HDTony
I blame it all on Liberals and Hollywood.

Ok, you ALL knew that was coming

You mean, George W Bush isn't at fault this time.
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post #27 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 01:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThirdgenTa
One of the worst is when you say Hi to them and ask them how their day is going and they can't even make an effort to look at you.
Ooooooooo.....that's the worst. Makes me feel like sayin', "Hey [email protected]#$er, ya you, HELLO!!!".

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post #28 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 01:52 PM
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I've lived in a lot of different areas of the country and I will say that the people I've encountered in Chicagoland are the most polite I've seen. Sure, there are some rude people, but by and far the majority are polite.

When getting off the train on Metra people are always politely taking their turn stepping off, letting the upstairs person go, then they go. I see people constantly holding the doors for the other commutes behind them once leaving Union Station, as well.

The other day I saw a tow truck driver ask a group of people crossing the street in the Loop for help finding a building. A busy looking businessman walked out of his way to go talk with the tow truck driver get oriented and find his destination.

I was in a left turn lane and a woman in the next lane over suddenly realized she was in the wrong lane. Instead of just jamming her car in front of me I saw her turn around in her seat and ask me if it was okay if she got in front of me. I smiled and let her in.

There are a lot of rude people out there, and we could say people are ruder now than before. I think that people here are pretty polite and I hope everyone on this board will try to be polite to their fellow man/woman.

And smile. You'd be amazed how far just smiling at someone goes.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
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post #29 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 01:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chills
And smile. You'd be amazed how far just smiling at someone goes.
Up yours, Pal.

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And I said....."Look here brother, who you jiving with that cosmik debris? Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho? Zappa 1974
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post #30 of 74 (permalink) Old 10-18-2005, 01:58 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SloRoll
Up yours, Pal.
So much for the older generation having manners

Logtar - John

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