things you didn't know about Mr.T - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-23-2005, 12:46 PM Thread Starter
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things you didn't know about Mr.T

Mr. T survived a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris. He
was the first and only one to do so. However, he barely survived.
Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
nothing but T's.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken
you to read this sentence.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the
show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with
the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
Mr. T doesn't obey the second law of thermodynamics. It obeys him.
Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can
triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains
can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What
occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded
in human history.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
When the end of the world comes, it won't be referred to as "Judgment Day".
Rather, it shall be called "T-Day", when Mr. T ends the world by
simultaneously pitying all six billion fools on this planet to death.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove
that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his
genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold.
Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in
the pilot episode.
Mr. T rejoiced as President George W. Bush was elected to office, as the
coming administration would assure that he would never run out of fools to
pity.
When Mr. T cuts onions, it's the onions doing the crying.
The Manhattan Project really did not create the atom bomb, but instead put
the pity Mr. T distributes, in a bottle and then dropped it on Japan.
When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets
angry, he turns into Mr. T.
Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would
only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.

Osama Bin Laden isn't hiding from the US, he's hiding from Mr. T
Mr. T invented cryogenics for the sole purpose of turning fools into Pity
Pops, which he then sells to buy more gold chains.
Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's
because Mr T loves you.
The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We
PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his
catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only
after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be
Gary Coleman and Webster.

-Mopar

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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-23-2005, 12:50 PM
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I found this one as well

Moparboy survived a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris. He
was the first and only one to do so. However, he barely survived.
Moparboy's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
nothing but T's.
23. That's the number of people Moparboy has pitied in the time it has taken
you to read this sentence.
Moparboy's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the
show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with
the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
Moparboy doesn't obey the second law of thermodynamics. It obeys him.
Before Moparboy, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
Moparboy is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Moparboy's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can
triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains
can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
The last time Moparboy went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What
occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded
in human history.
Moparboy was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
around to hear his jibba jabba, Moparboy is still able to pity him.
When the end of the world comes, it won't be referred to as "Judgment Day".
Rather, it shall be called "M-Day", when Moparboy ends the world by
simultaneously pitying all six billion fools on this planet to death.
Moparboy made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove
that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
Originally the A-Team was named M-Team and consisted of Moparboy and six of his
genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold.
Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in
the pilot episode.
Moparboy rejoiced as President George W. Bush was elected to office, as the
coming administration would assure that he would never run out of fools to
pity.
When Moparboy cuts onions, it's the onions doing the crying.
The Manhattan Project really did not create the atom bomb, but instead put
the pity Moparboy distributes, in a bottle and then dropped it on Japan.
When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets
angry, he turns into Moparboy.
Moparboy took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Moparboy, there would
only be two hits: Moparboy hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.

Osama Bin Laden isn't hiding from the US, he's hiding from Moparboy
Moparboy invented cryogenics for the sole purpose of turning fools into Pity
Pops, which he then sells to buy more gold chains.
Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's
because Mr T loves you.
The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We
PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his
catch phrase, Moparboy founded McDonalds.
Moparboy once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only
after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be
Gary Coleman and Webster.




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

- Ronald Reagan

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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-23-2005, 12:51 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HDTony
I found this one as well
that was alot of work there Tony..

-Mopar

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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-23-2005, 12:52 PM
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When Moparboy drinks vodka, the vodka gets drunk from Moparboy.

"The man who makes me your enemy, it is he who be the guilty one....Here I abandoned peace and desecrated law; fortune it is you I follow. Farewell to treaties. From now on war is our judge!"
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-23-2005, 01:17 PM
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"You messed up, now I gotta mess you up. It's the law!"
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-23-2005, 01:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maoisn
When Moparboy drinks vodka, the vodka gets drunk from Moparboy.

Bikes can be replaced...people can't...ride safe!!
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-23-2005, 08:17 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maoisn
When Moparboy drinks vodka, the vodka gets drunk from Moparboy.
yeah.. try telling that to the cops

-Mopar

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-29-2005, 08:49 PM Thread Starter
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here is one about Chuck Norris...


Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was "more humane".

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into two.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.

-Mopar

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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-29-2005, 09:05 PM
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I almost cried laughing reading Chuck Norris.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-29-2005, 11:13 PM
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that chuck norris one rules.


they need to make the walker texas ranger lever a permanent addition to conan obrien, am I the only one that misses this?!?!

Chris
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-29-2005, 11:34 PM
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Since bwa is apparently on vacation. Credit where credit is due.

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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-29-2005, 11:41 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Underdog
Since bwa is apparently on vacation. Credit where credit is due.

WTLW Dodgeboy!
https://www.chicagolandsportbikes.com...ad.php?t=35344
humm.. suprised i didn't get a WTLW last week!

-Mopar

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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-30-2005, 05:31 PM
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Funny shit. I really liked Chuck's parody.

There is nothing firm, nothing balanced, nothing durable in all the universe. Nothing remains in its original state, each day, each hour, each moment, there is change. Change is the essence of life. Embrace change as you do life. To fight change is to live in the past.
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