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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-04-2006, 10:02 PM Thread Starter
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More Chuck Norris facts

Some new, some old...most weren't in the last posting of this. Chuck Norris appreciates reposts only when it involves him.




While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shootouts. When the director explained that he couldnt do that, he replied, "Of course I can, Im Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesnt work, he plays zombie.

Chuck Norris was the original treasure in National Treasure.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the worlds hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

Chuck Norris ate his weight at Godfathers pizza.

Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

Chuck Norris has a stare that turns goat piss into gasoline.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris, more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris, robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing deceptions and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single, however, so it was divided.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.

Chuck Norris is the only male human to give birth. His only child - Vin Diesel.

Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.

One day Chuck Norris went shopping and he had grabbed the last can of pea soup off the counter. Just then Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Godzilla walked in and turned to Chuck Norris and said, "Give us the pea soup Buck Morris!" right then Chuck Norris turned around and went, "The name is Chuck Norris!" and he brutally annihilated all three of them. The pea soup tasted especially good that night.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendys.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at your grimly.

Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.

Chuck Norris once ejaculated solid gold into a river in India, bringing profit to the local villagers and causing him to be worshiped as a God.

Chuck Norris convinced Anakin Skywalker to join the Dark Side of the Force.

Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world.

Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band, and a pinecone.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris cant eat while standing upright.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesnt believe in Germany.

One drop of Chuck Norris sweat can cure you of anything, even death.

Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

The letters in Chuck Norris name can be rearranged to spell doom in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.

Chuck Norriss heart beats once every full moon.

Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

Chuck Norris signed the Declaration Of Independence, The Bill Of Rights, and the Constitution while plundering a poor Asian village.

The movie "The Ring" is actually just a Chuck Norris biography.

Chuck Norris has no concept of time; if you go to his house you wont find a single clock. When you ask to leave because its getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.

Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.

Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas blindfolded, while having sex with 3 women.
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-04-2006, 10:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jimzx9r
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-Mopar

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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-04-2006, 11:41 PM
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most of these sucked. the original listing was far superior.

Chris
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-05-2006, 12:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
most of these sucked. the original listing was far superior.

yikes super critic. some of them where hilarious. hey vcook bet you wouldnt say that with chuck standing behind your back lmao

hope i can hold onto my license this summer
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-05-2006, 02:51 AM
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Chuck Norris is old and wrinkley and needs to use the Total Gym instead of selling it.

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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-05-2006, 06:31 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by youngkow
Chuck Norris is old and wrinkley and needs to use the Total Gym instead of selling it.
If Chuck Norris knew you typed that he would Roundhouse Kick his internet connection and it would kill your computer.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-05-2006, 08:09 AM
Old bikes RULE! RIDE ONE!
 
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That's hilarious!

"For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon.' The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard..."

The first turn is the worst turn, between the left ear and the right one.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-05-2006, 08:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoStunner
If Chuck Norris knew you typed that he would Roundhouse Kick his internet connection and it would kill your computer.
lol pretty good! add it to the list.

It was a roundhouse kick to a Lifetime in California that reduced a gym of full of equipment and racquetball courts into one 3ft plank of wood and some strings now known as the Total Gym.

"includes 10 used-car dealers or auto repair shops, 11 liquor stores and bars--two of which advertise lingerie fashion shows and a third billed as a "gentlemen's club"--three cut-rate motels and one trailer park. The squat, brick municipal building is next to a currency exchange and a few steps from an adult video store. The bars open at 10 a.m. and close at 6:30 a.m."

Quote:
Originally Posted by admin View Post
Something must be fishy...I am going to go poke around in the back end..
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-05-2006, 08:57 AM
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Some people think that Chuck Norris gets his work out on the Total Gym when in fact the Total Gym gets its work out on Chuck Norris. Due to Chuck Norris's grueling workout and no tolerance for mistakes, the Total Gym quietly made its way to the Golden Gloves championship bout only to be disqualified for using illegal performance enhancing drugs known as Chuck Norris.

I just made that up. Not bad, eh?

"includes 10 used-car dealers or auto repair shops, 11 liquor stores and bars--two of which advertise lingerie fashion shows and a third billed as a "gentlemen's club"--three cut-rate motels and one trailer park. The squat, brick municipal building is next to a currency exchange and a few steps from an adult video store. The bars open at 10 a.m. and close at 6:30 a.m."

Quote:
Originally Posted by admin View Post
Something must be fishy...I am going to go poke around in the back end..

Last edited by whiteSeatEnvy; 01-05-2006 at 09:00 AM.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-05-2006, 08:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoStunner
If Chuck Norris knew you typed that he would Roundhouse Kick his internet connection and it would kill your computer.
LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by G2G
No one says you have to get drunk everytime you drink.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snoodles
Isn't that like having sex and not finishing though?
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