God I hate Chuck Norris!
Top 10 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He lies awake in regret.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC, claiming Hope & Faith are trademarked names for his left and right breasts.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is diarrhea.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may not realize how much he's actually aged.
6. Chuck Norris attempted to count to infinity. Backwards. He didn't know where to start.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the chance of success. Chuck Norris wanders around aimlessly with a gun.
8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK-47. The gun. It is compatible only with bullets. Chuck Norris is full of holes.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a fucking Jeep.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Farmers' Almanac it notes that annual rainfall figures do not include the tears shed by Chuck Norris, and the figures listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has gotten to subtracting out such overwhelming excess.