So this article was posted in a school newspaper - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-10-2007, 03:25 PM Thread Starter
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So this article was posted in a school newspaper

I guess there was suppose to be some kind of humor in here, but I can't seem to find it. Don't know why anyone would find RAPE funny.


Central Connecticut State University

"Take ugly women, for example. If it weren't for rape, how would they know the joy of intercourse with a man who isn't drunk?"

"Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It"
By John Petroski

Most people today would claim that rape is a terrible crime almost akin to murder, but I strongly disagree. Far from a vile act, rape is a magical experience that benifits society as a whole. I realize many of you will disagree with this thesis, but lend me your ears and I'm sure I'll sway you towards a darkened alley.

If it weren't for rape, Western Civilization might not exist as we know it today. When the Romans were faced with a disproportionate ratio of women to men in the early kingdom, they had to do something, lest their flidgling society die for lack of sons. To solvetheir little dilemma, they did what any reasonable man would do: they threw a festival for their little dilemma, they threw a festival for their Sabine neighbors, and then stole and raped their women. It's quite logical; in fact I don't understand why the settlers at Plymoth didn't do the same to the local Indians--it certainly would have saved on shipping costs.

Obviously, in the case of the Rape of the Sabines, rape was a tremendous help to society. The Sabine women, for their part, didn't seem to mind so much, as they threw themselves between their brutish old Sabine husbands and their charming new Roman ones to prevent bloodshed when the Sabine men came to relaim their wives. Yet even when society was totally against a rape, the raunchy act has benifited society too. Where would the Romans be, after all, if it weren't for the Rape of the Lucretia infuriating the people to the point of overthrowing their last king, Lucius Tarpuinius Superbus? If it weren't for that event, the world might have never had the Roman Republic for a pristine example of a flawless government.

Rapes glorious advantages are not, however, exclusively found from 2,000 year old examples. In actuality rape advantages can very much be seen today. Take ugly women for example. If it wern't for rape, how would they ever know the joys of intercourse with a man who isn't drunk. In a society as plastic-conscious as our own we are really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn't have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldn't--atleast no self-respecting man would--but there in lies the beauty of rape. No self respecting man would rape in the first palce, so ugly women are guarenteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too; and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.

Ugly women are not, however, the only people who benifit from rape--prisoners enjoy as many perks too. What, after all, could be possibly be more boring than spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day? Then answer, of course, is spending years of your life confined to some tiny cell 23 hours a day and never getting some hot action. With rape, prisoners never have to worry about that. Instead, they merely need worry about treating their rapist with enough love and respect to earn a quick reach-around.

But if there is one bread and butter reason for why rape should not only be accepted, but even endorsed, it is because our news editors are in dire need of interesting stories for our front page. Bookstore stories? Fossils? One dollar coins? Please. Now, some saucy circle-jerk rape action? Yeah, that's the ticket.

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-10-2007, 04:01 PM
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tongue-in-cheek

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humor

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcasm







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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-10-2007, 04:19 PM
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It's still not funny.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-10-2007, 07:41 PM
 
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sarcasm or sattire or w/e, that's not something to joke about. Unfortunately I know some people who went through this, there's not much worse you can do to a person
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-10-2007, 11:47 PM
 
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The author should be given a Deliverance experience to consider the realities of the subject and see if their opinion changes. Unfortunately, there is nothing "tongue in cheek" or "humorous" or "sarcastic" about this poorly written example of op ed opinion.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-11-2007, 12:13 AM
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It could be either an attempt at humor, attempt to get attention (successful), psychological experiment or too much psychedelic substance taken. Anyway, the author is either a fucking idiot or a complete asshole. Or both.

PS Yeah, that applies even if it's a psychological research.

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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-11-2007, 12:17 AM
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It's called a disconnect of empathy. They were probably ignored as a child.

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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-11-2007, 06:02 AM
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There's a reason society drove me to buy an assault rifle, I'd kill this guy.

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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-11-2007, 07:43 AM
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I don't know how a sane person could think this way. Therefor, he's either insane, or he's writing this just to get a rise out of people.

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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-11-2007, 10:43 AM
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+1 Blarney. I've read worse in a college paper. Think of the Onion without all the notoriety. Smoke that much weed that far away from your parents and anything is funny.

However, it does give me a chance to post my old tshirt hell sig and giggle:

"Taking the "the" out of psychotherapist"


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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-11-2007, 11:10 AM
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Let's try one more.......


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony


So, of the responses .... One of you wants to kill him and one of you thinks
he should be raped to prove the point that rape is cruel in response to
his written words ... not actions.


You may not find the humor in it... your choice of course.


But it's *intended* as humor.


Wanting him killed or raped is just f&*ked up.


Or was that supposed to be humor ?


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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-11-2007, 04:53 PM
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It could be an irony, all right. A joke. But there're limits to where you can venture when making a joke. I don't think it's funny just as I wouldn't find holocaust jokes funny. It is simply repulsive.

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