Damn, this could sure come in handy!
THE PRE-FWB CALL AGREEMENT
This pre-FWB call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the
day of ______________ , 20__, by , between ______________ and ______________.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
1. No sleeping over-unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening, or if in a
3. No unnecessary phone calls - we don't have shit to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" shit - only mind-blowing sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The answer is no, so don't ask, idiot.
6. No “date” or other “date-like” plans made in advance.
7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.
8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's really none of your damn business.
10. No just showing up at the other person’s house/apt/etc without agreement on a time.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.
12. No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex-it's over, so get your ass up, get dressed and go the fuck home.
14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it - I don't care.
15. You cannot borrow my vehicle (be it 2 or 4 wheels) for any reason.
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's (or friend's) girlfriend/boyfriend."
17. Doggie style is the preferred position.
18. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better.
19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes - so don't keep calling.
20. The most important one - after fucking. Carry your ass home.
21. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store.
22. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling back looking for your ass.
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holders of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement without agreement from the other party, it will automatically become null and void. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.
A PM or email with the above constitutes agreement with the terms. In other words, don't go fucking print it and leave a copy with our names on it somewhere, idiot.