Time Traveler????? - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2003, 11:47 AM Thread Starter
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Time Traveler?????

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html


'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003



By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2003, 12:27 PM
 
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Re: Time Traveler?????

Quote:
Originally posted by GautamCity

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.
It was all getting interesting until I came accross the source of the news.... And I had my hopes all set going to the past and doin stoppies in the Coloseum for Caesar .

I think one day time travel will be possible.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2003, 12:30 PM
freaking newbies, man there slow, ha ha ha
 
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2003, 12:58 PM
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ROFL. Thats funny. but ya never know

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2003, 01:42 PM
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I saw that on another board... too bad its not true, its from Weekly World News... you know the tabloid that brings us stores like "ELIVIS had a baby with an alien".
post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2003, 01:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by hayabusa_z
I saw that on another board... too bad its not true, its from Weekly World News... you know the tabloid that brings us stores like "ELIVIS had a baby with an alien".

Hey now, I cam back in time from 2256 just so I could get my hands on a 2000 Busa. since after all it is the best bike ever built




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

- Ronald Reagan

AirTek Heating & Air inc.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2003, 02:09 PM
freaking newbies, man there slow, ha ha ha
 
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2003, 03:50 PM
I'm always learning......
 
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News Flash!!!!!!

Time travel is possible!!!!!!





Only forward and 1 second every 1 second.

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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2003, 10:01 PM
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