*RANT*- How to make coffee...... - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:10 PM Thread Starter
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*RANT*- How to make coffee......

Ok, so I drink alot of coffee throughout the day. Our office has a coffee room, and supplies free coffee to our office employees- the only thing we ask is that if you get to the bottom of the pot you make another. Well, I am always walking into the room to an empty pot, and it literally only takes 20 seconds to make a pot (the machine is already connected to water supply) - anyway I end up making coffee 4-5 times a day, and I am not the one taking the bottom of the pot! So, I send out the following email to EVERYONE on the office distribution list. I end up getting a talking to from HR about how offensive the email may have been and what I was implying about our help-

Here it is in forum form- imagine in email format with captions under the pictures:


Subject: How to make coffee.........

I know that making coffee can be an intimidating task, and a bit tricky for the common masses, but I will try to help……….

Notice that the burner is on and there is no coffee in the pot. Not only is this rude to non-coffee drinkers because of the burnt smell that will follow, but it is also rude to the next person that wants a delicious cup o’ joe.
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"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."

Last edited by Kegger; 11-04-2009 at 02:21 PM.
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post #2 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:12 PM Thread Starter
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2

First, remove a filter from the cabinet.
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"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."

Last edited by Kegger; 11-04-2009 at 02:22 PM.
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post #3 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:12 PM
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Craig, well timed my man!! I just went off this morning for the exact same reason. What asshole leaves a 1/4 cup of coffee in the damn pot

Tom

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post #4 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:12 PM
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I go through the same shit here. I feel ya!
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post #5 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:13 PM Thread Starter
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3

Next, place filter in coffee maker filter assembly.
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"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."

Last edited by Kegger; 11-04-2009 at 02:49 PM.
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post #6 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:13 PM Thread Starter
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4

Next remove a bag of coffee from the drawer.
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"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."

Last edited by Kegger; 11-04-2009 at 02:50 PM.
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post #7 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:14 PM Thread Starter
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5

Next, pour coffee into aforementioned filter assembly.
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"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."

Last edited by Kegger; 11-04-2009 at 02:52 PM.
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post #8 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:15 PM Thread Starter
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6

Next, slide assembly into coffee maker.
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"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."

Last edited by Kegger; 11-04-2009 at 02:53 PM.
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post #9 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:16 PM
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Make sure you don't get any FUCKING GRAINS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE FILTER.

I don't like to eat my coffee, I like to drink it.
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post #10 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:16 PM
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Switch the coffee to decaf for about a month and then start making espresso

Ride smart... stupid hurts.

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't...

Godspeed 788!!! We miss you!
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post #11 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:17 PM Thread Starter
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7

Finally, and most tricky of all, push “brew start” toggle switch.
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"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."

Last edited by Kegger; 11-04-2009 at 02:55 PM.
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post #12 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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8

That’s all there is to it! I am sure that with some practice you can do it too!



I am here to help, let me know if you need a more in depth explanation of any of the steps.

Signature etc...........


I guess it didnt go over too well.

"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."
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post #13 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:21 PM
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post #14 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:27 PM
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nice. i dont have this problem though. we have a keurig



all you do is pop in the caribou coffee keurig piece in.



put your cup underneathe and push brew and it fills the cup on the fly with yummy coffee

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post #15 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:29 PM
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HR gave you a talking to? Those are the most worthless people in the entire building, screw `em.
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post #16 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kegger View Post
That’s all there is to it! I am sure that with some practice you can do it too!



I am here to help, let me know if you need a more in depth explanation of any of the steps.

Signature etc...........


I guess it didnt go over too well.
Post those up on the cabinets above the coffeee machine.

-Mo
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post #17 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:35 PM
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Thanks for the laugh Craig! Hopefully it'll be no big deal.

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post #18 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:38 PM
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Sounds like someone needs some more coffee...
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post #19 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:38 PM
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HR didn't even mention how you went the extra step of adding pictures.

I sympathize with ya.

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post #20 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scout67 View Post
HR didn't even mention how you went the extra step of adding pictures.

I sympathize with ya.
Right? That was nicely done. Shoulda commended him.
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post #21 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:46 PM
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I'm one of those guys that drinks up the last cup of coffee and does not make anymore...

Yes, I'm that busy

teets
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post #22 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:50 PM
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Good thing i don't drink that crap.

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post #23 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 01:52 PM
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OMG! Awesome. You don't even have to pour water in or grind beans and you still have this problem. It's such a relief that it's not just my coworkers that are retarded.

We have people who empty the pot, and then put it back WITHOUT TURNING THE BURNER OFF. Fucking idiots. Seriously. We send out nasty emails constantly to the whole company about it on a nearly monthly basis. Here's the last one I sent around:

*****
Subject: Coffee

Just walked through the middle kitchen and noticed that *both* pots were empty, and *both* hot plates were still on. If you're going to be a jerk and take the last cup without making more, PLEASE at least turn the hot plate off. Burning coffee/making charcoal smells really icky!

Thank you!
****

We have a fake security camera set up above the machine, with a note under it that says if you take the last cup, make more, you are being watched... of course that didn't work.

The other issue is that since we grind the beans ourselves, nobody knows how to fucking do it correctly. Every time I empty the filter, there's a bunch of whole beans in there. Idiots. No wonder our coffee always tastes like shit.

As you can tell, this topic "really grinds my beans".

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post #24 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 02:05 PM
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Same problem here at work.....Awesome job on the email
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post #25 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 02:07 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flounder View Post
Yes, I'm that busy
Perfect example of someone who needs to take some time management classes if you you dont have 30 seconds to make coffee.

"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."
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post #26 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 02:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kegger View Post
Perfect example of someone who needs to take some time management classes if you you dont have 30 seconds to make coffee.
With replying to threads on CLSB and the 3 hour lunches... there is NO time for coffee making.

teets
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post #27 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 02:20 PM
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I get regular talking to by HR and upper management. I used to send an E-mail (not coffee related but similiar issues) every other month for the first year I was here. When my boss said my job is on the line for pointing out other peoples mistakes, I figured I'd just shut the hell up and let this place go to shit on it it's own. Not my problem.

I don't have the coffee issue because we have a Starbucks, Room Service, and a Restaurant, and all three owe me favors. I also have my own coffee maker in my office, but I've not needed to use it for over a year now.

If I can only get lazy fookers to pick up after themselves and follow through on promises....

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post #28 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 02:26 PM
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Yep, I used to get in trouble for politely pointing out mistakes to the general public so I said fuggit too. That looked like it was an awesome email though and done in high taste with pics and all. Only problem is that it reeked of underlying sarcasm which probably made you feel so much better and made others ROFL but what can you do with those damn HR around. Love it though, I'm gonna save your instructions and send that shit out next time they do that at the office.
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post #29 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 02:34 PM
Sarcasm in every post.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by truckstop View Post
Subject: Coffee

Just walked through the middle kitchen and noticed that *both* pots were empty, and *both* hot plates were still on. If you're going to be a jerk and take the last cup without making more, PLEASE at least turn the hot plate off. Burning coffee/making charcoal smells really icky!

Thank you!
Sorry that just made me chuckle.

Kind of like, when someone is ripping you a new ---hole, and gets spit on their chin, but continue to yell, knowing its there, and that they look stupid.

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Last edited by scout67; 01-31-2008 at 02:48 PM.
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post #30 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 02:42 PM
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I am also glad i dont drink coffee. that shit smells nasty

go time traveler style and go back in time, fuck his grandma, then shoot forward in time and then fuck his mom. Then return back to present state and call him a the product of two incest whores and hes your son and show video of you plowing the both members of his family. .
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