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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 08:43 AM Thread Starter
C2M
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LMFAO cubs loyalty for sale on ebay

Ok this is priceless

http://cgi.ebay.com/Cubs-Loyalty-FOR...d=p3286.c0.m14

This has to be the funnest thing i have found on ebay

I hate to say it, but I think the time has come. What time, do you ask? Time to place another hex on the lowly Chicago Cubs. Granted, I've only suffered through 30 useless seasons of our "loveable" north-siders, but I've taken all I can take.



Last night I watched the best-hitting team in baseball spend 6 and 2/3 innings swinging at pitches in the dirt. I'm sorry, but professional athletes should be able to watch what's going on and adjust. Carlos Zambrano did, and he WALKED his first time up to the plate. The PITCHER walked! Why? Because he made the adjustment.



Last night I watched professional athletes, some of the best fielders in the major-leagues, bobble balls like a 9-year-old's little league team. They BACKED UP from batted balls. What do you think is going to happen when you do that? It's fielding 101, and you learn it IN LITTLE LEAGUE!



Last night I watched (hopefully for the last time) millions of hearts break because of the combined ineptitude of over-paid professional athletes. Maybe it wasn't ineptitude. Maybe it wasn't even lazy play. Maybe these men just don't care. They certainly didn't play like they care. They played like they were afraid of it. They played like they wanted to lose. Let me say that again. They played like they WANTED to lose.



So, I have a proposition. In the interest of sparing my emotions from one more gut-wrenching season, I am auctioning off my loyalty to the Chicago Cubs. Now, since I realize that seems somewhat fatalistic, I will also make the provision that I will accept bids from ANYONE, even Cubs fans. That means that my loyalty will go to the highest bidder, even if that means I have to get my guts scooped out every year for the rest of my life (as a result of a winning Cubs bid).



Selfish? Childish? A stone-cold publicity stunt? Not quite. I will not personally take possession of ANY of the funds. The winning bid will be accepted by me on behalf of two non-profit theatre organizations in Minneapolis, MN, whose mission is to provide accessible entertainment to low-income households; The Cromulent Shakespeare Company, and Prufrock Theatre. The owner of the winning bid will receive a receipt for their tax-deductible donation.





Here's how it will work:

1. My goal is to hex the Cubs for another 100 years for their cruel treatment of their fans. Therefore, I will accept bids from fans of any team. If no Cubs fan can beat their bid, I will relinquish my fandom of the Chicago Cubs FOREVER. I will never wear Cubs paraphernalia, or watch their games, or root for them again.
2. I will show loyalty to my new team in the following ways. I will burn my Cubs paraphernalia (admittedly not much at this point - a couple hats and a Sammy Sosa figurine). I will buy hats and jerseys of the new team and, whenever they come to play the Twins, I will show up to at least one game per series and scream like crazy for them.
3. Proceeds will go 100% to the two theatre companies mentioned above. The owner of the winning bid will be given two lifetime passes to every show these two companies perform, and when they travel to Minneapolis to see the shows, I will personally escort them to dinner and the performance. If the bid goes over $50,000.00, this will also include a foot wash & massage (not kidding).
4. This money will be used to make high quality theatre accessible to low-income households. The hex is aimed at over-paid, under-performing, "professional" athletes, not fans. The benefit far exceeds the loss.





I will not apologize for this decision. I'm doing this on behalf of people who have been screwed out of theatre by companies who charge too much to recognize they exist, and on behalf of Cubs fans who have been too loyal to know they deserve better. It pains me to do, but it needs to be done.



As an addendum to this auction, if anyone would like to make donations to The Cromulent Shakespeare Company prior to their deadline of December 1st, 2008, they can do so through their fiscal sponsor, Springboard for the Arts: http://www.springboardforthearts.org...ponsorship.asp, click on "Make a Donation," at the bottom of the page. In the "Purpose" or "Item" line, they will want to write "the Cromulent Shakespeare Company."



Okay, let the bidding begin.

On Oct-07-08 at 05:58:16 PDT, seller added the following information:

Two Additions!

1. You do not have to bid to donate. If you want to donate, see the link just above for Springboard.
2. When you bid, please message me and let me know what team you're representing.

Thanks!

On Oct-07-08 at 12:43:17 PDT, seller added the following information:

Right now, tripled213 has the winning bid for the Florida Marlins. I will update as frequently as I can, but this seems to be going pretty fast. If you wanted to bid, but that's out of your price range, please see the donations link and make a donation to Cromulent - Springboard will provide you with a receipt for your tax-deductible donation. Thanks!

On Oct-07-08 at 13:07:12 PDT, seller added the following information:

1176melissa has the Atlanta Braves.

On Oct-07-08 at 21:30:38 PDT, seller added the following information:

stan_56 has me as a Phillis fan. Keep 'em comin'!

On Oct-07-08 at 22:03:10 PDT, seller added the following information:

Shall I be a Yankees fan? cdoody2182 says so. (also, stan_56, I apologize that I didn't bold the Phillies like the other ones. I'll try to keep it consistent).

go time traveler style and go back in time, fuck his grandma, then shoot forward in time and then fuck his mom. Then return back to present state and call him a the product of two incest whores and hes your son and show video of you plowing the both members of his family. .

Last edited by C2M; 10-08-2008 at 08:54 AM.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 08:46 AM
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 08:48 AM
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 08:48 AM
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You know what is priceless. The ability to create a proper link.

I'm not short. I'm aerodynamically efficient.

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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by C2M View Post
Ok this is priceless

http://cgi.ebay.com/Cubs-Loyalty-FOR-SALE_W0QQitemZ120313290200QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item 120313290200&_trkparms=39%3A1|66%3A2|65%3A3|240%3A1318&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14

This has to be the funnest thing i have found on ebay

I hate to say it, but I think the time has come. What time, do you ask? Time to place another hex on the lowly Chicago Cubs. Granted, I've only suffered through 30 useless seasons of our "loveable" north-siders, but I've taken all I can take.



Last night I watched the best-hitting team in baseball spend 6 and 2/3 innings swinging at pitches in the dirt. I'm sorry, but professional athletes should be able to watch what's going on and adjust. Carlos Zambrano did, and he WALKED his first time up to the plate. The PITCHER walked! Why? Because he made the adjustment.



Last night I watched professional athletes, some of the best fielders in the major-leagues, bobble balls like a 9-year-old's little league team. They BACKED UP from batted balls. What do you think is going to happen when you do that? It's fielding 101, and you learn it IN LITTLE LEAGUE!



Last night I watched (hopefully for the last time) millions of hearts break because of the combined ineptitude of over-paid professional athletes. Maybe it wasn't ineptitude. Maybe it wasn't even lazy play. Maybe these men just don't care. They certainly didn't play like they care. They played like they were afraid of it. They played like they wanted to lose. Let me say that again. They played like they WANTED to lose.



So, I have a proposition. In the interest of sparing my emotions from one more gut-wrenching season, I am auctioning off my loyalty to the Chicago Cubs. Now, since I realize that seems somewhat fatalistic, I will also make the provision that I will accept bids from ANYONE, even Cubs fans. That means that my loyalty will go to the highest bidder, even if that means I have to get my guts scooped out every year for the rest of my life (as a result of a winning Cubs bid).



Selfish? Childish? A stone-cold publicity stunt? Not quite. I will not personally take possession of ANY of the funds. The winning bid will be accepted by me on behalf of two non-profit theatre organizations in Minneapolis, MN, whose mission is to provide accessible entertainment to low-income households; The Cromulent Shakespeare Company, and Prufrock Theatre. The owner of the winning bid will receive a receipt for their tax-deductible donation.





Here's how it will work:

1. My goal is to hex the Cubs for another 100 years for their cruel treatment of their fans. Therefore, I will accept bids from fans of any team. If no Cubs fan can beat their bid, I will relinquish my fandom of the Chicago Cubs FOREVER. I will never wear Cubs paraphernalia, or watch their games, or root for them again.
2. I will show loyalty to my new team in the following ways. I will burn my Cubs paraphernalia (admittedly not much at this point - a couple hats and a Sammy Sosa figurine). I will buy hats and jerseys of the new team and, whenever they come to play the Twins, I will show up to at least one game per series and scream like crazy for them.
3. Proceeds will go 100% to the two theatre companies mentioned above. The owner of the winning bid will be given two lifetime passes to every show these two companies perform, and when they travel to Minneapolis to see the shows, I will personally escort them to dinner and the performance. If the bid goes over $50,000.00, this will also include a foot wash & massage (not kidding).
4. This money will be used to make high quality theatre accessible to low-income households. The hex is aimed at over-paid, under-performing, "professional" athletes, not fans. The benefit far exceeds the loss.





I will not apologize for this decision. I'm doing this on behalf of people who have been screwed out of theatre by companies who charge too much to recognize they exist, and on behalf of Cubs fans who have been too loyal to know they deserve better. It pains me to do, but it needs to be done.



As an addendum to this auction, if anyone would like to make donations to The Cromulent Shakespeare Company prior to their deadline of December 1st, 2008, they can do so through their fiscal sponsor, Springboard for the Arts: http://www.springboardforthearts.org...ponsorship.asp, click on "Make a Donation," at the bottom of the page. In the "Purpose" or "Item" line, they will want to write "the Cromulent Shakespeare Company."



Okay, let the bidding begin.

On Oct-07-08 at 05:58:16 PDT, seller added the following information:

Two Additions!

1. You do not have to bid to donate. If you want to donate, see the link just above for Springboard.
2. When you bid, please message me and let me know what team you're representing.

Thanks!

On Oct-07-08 at 12:43:17 PDT, seller added the following information:

Right now, tripled213 has the winning bid for the Florida Marlins. I will update as frequently as I can, but this seems to be going pretty fast. If you wanted to bid, but that's out of your price range, please see the donations link and make a donation to Cromulent - Springboard will provide you with a receipt for your tax-deductible donation. Thanks!

On Oct-07-08 at 13:07:12 PDT, seller added the following information:

1176melissa has the Atlanta Braves.

On Oct-07-08 at 21:30:38 PDT, seller added the following information:

stan_56 has me as a Phillis fan. Keep 'em comin'!

On Oct-07-08 at 22:03:10 PDT, seller added the following information:

Shall I be a Yankees fan? cdoody2182 says so. (also, stan_56, I apologize that I didn't bold the Phillies like the other ones. I'll try to keep it consistent).
link still failed after editing.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 08:52 AM Thread Starter
C2M
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rdrash View Post
You know what is priceless. The ability to create a proper link.
You know whats more priceless is me telling you to kiss my ass

Link fixed in post 1

go time traveler style and go back in time, fuck his grandma, then shoot forward in time and then fuck his mom. Then return back to present state and call him a the product of two incest whores and hes your son and show video of you plowing the both members of his family. .

Last edited by C2M; 10-08-2008 at 08:55 AM.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 08:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by C2M View Post
You know whats more priceless is me telling you to kiss my ass

Link fixed in post 1
lmfao

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 09:01 AM
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at least the seller could navigate the internet

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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 12:02 PM
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What would be even better if the buyer makes him burn all his cubs stuff, then after that says "well I'm a cubs fan too" and then make him wear a new cubs jersey after he burned all his crap

maybe the nameplate could say "loser"
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 12:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maynard View Post
at least the seller could navigate the internet
OH SNAP!!!
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 12:06 PM
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No one saved this as a pdf??
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 12:11 PM
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-08-2008, 12:35 PM
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As a non-Cubs fan observer, they need more DGAF players that won't let the pressure get to them. Manny for example. Playoffs are already stressful enough, but the whole 100 year thing... That, or they just expected to mail it in.

I'd keep Soto. The rest of them dangle as trade bait. The whole lot of 'em. Oh, wait- half the players have horrible contracts that no one else would want to take on.

Zambrano: time bomb headcase
Harden: Wood/Prior part 2. over works the 'pen. brittle as ice. needs another surgery.
Dempster: contract year fluke?
Lilly: way overpaid
Marquis: rubbish

Marmol: disappeared. overworked?
Wood: nuff said.

Lee: fading fast
AmRam: gets his numbers
Soriano: not a leadoff hitter, picking up more and more injuries, questionable defense at best. untradeable contract
Fukudome: disappointment offensively
DeRosa: better as a supersub
Edmonds: Could do worse I guess... I wouldn't want him.
Theriot: good, not great

Then I'd tear down Weeghman, keep the bleachers, scoreboard, and ivy and build a real ballpark with a parking lot.
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