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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
K.I.S.S
 
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WS - Humor

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a
pond
on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of
Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is
hilarious, but read State's letter before you get to the response
letter.


SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County


Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that

there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel
of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A

review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
violation

of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws,
annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
stream

to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams

from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no
later
than January 31, 2009.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a
follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
site
may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
We

anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.



Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/07 has been handed to me to respond
to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane ,
Trout

Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet
stream of my Spring
Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skil
lful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their
dam
project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely
state

there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.




These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request,
I
do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam
permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
dam

request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
the

Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those
other
applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301,
Inland
Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection

Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers
entitled
to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute

and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have
to
provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that
either
one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing
flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
Department

is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring
Pond

Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please
contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously

did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read

English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their
unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
water
flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
enjoy
Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural
resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait
until
1/31/2009? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
there

will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears!

Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.
If

you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The
bears
are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact
you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your
dam
office.

THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES
& THE DAM BEAVERS

Willard: When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a divorce. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 01:06 PM
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 01:11 PM
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That was awesome!
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 01:21 PM
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The whole time reading the state's letter I was wondering what a wood debris dam was. That's pretty funny if it's true.

Fat Pat #728

If you don't like my fire, then don't come around...
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 01:29 PM
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...old I saw tis years back, theyve just updated the dates

still funny

-Jason
CCS AM #31
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 03:54 PM
Ooooooooohhh!!!!
 
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actually a true story... altho the response letter was changed above from what was really sent and the states are different.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.asp

_________
Chrys
____________________
2000 Suzuki Katana 750

Quote:
Originally Posted by Odysseys View Post
Lol I am no pimp. I am married and have no game.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 04:15 PM
 
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long live the dam beavers
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-28-2008, 04:22 PM
bwa
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