I don't even f*cking know...Stained? Long..
I'm going into my third year with my trailer, so it's about time I outfitted the damn thing. I've been meaning to do it for a while, but I just wasn't able to get motivated, for a multitude of reasons.
-I have to park it at a storage yard since I don't have room for it, hence, it'd be a pain in the ass if I had to take it back every night after I worked on it. Luckily, my neighbor lets me park it in her driveway whenever, and for however long, I need to, so that rocks.
-I never really decided what to do with it. When I first got it, I set it up to haul 4 bikes; two by two, nose to tail. I put in the chocks and recessed tie down hooks, and left it that. I really wanted to be able to haul my 3 bikes (I was still fully intending on reassembling the 996 at that point) + the bike of a friend, if need be, so I didn't want to compromise my hauling capabilities by building shelves and whatnot. Then I went racing. Even with one bike, you have to carry so much more fucking stuff: generator, warmers, extra wheels, rains, regular tires, etc. etc. And this year, I plan on having 2 race bikes, so there's just that much more shit. Moreover, on top of it all, I started just throwing a futon mattress into the mix and sleeping in the trailer because it was so much easier, more comfortable, warmer, and sometimes drier than a tent. Well, I figured out pretty quickly last year what I generally needed to achieve. It was near impossible to do it during the season, but at least I now had a layout in mind...
-It's usually fucking freezing right up until the season starts. And, I figured that this project was going to take a while, so I wasn't able to muster a whole lot of enthusiasm for freezing my ass off for a weekend, or longer, while I fumbled about trying to do everything I wanted. "What the hell is Farmboy talking about now?", you wonder. "I mean, really, how hard can it be? Build some shelves, put some eyehooks in the walls, and hang some baskets up, and it's Miller time. Fucking Idiot." Not so fast, friend. I wanted it all. Shelves, tire rack, helmet rack, supply rack, fold down bunks (two!), bike stand hangers (going with Nice Raxx, I can't really engineer a better solution there), AND I still wanted to be able to carry 4 bikes (although I ended up optimizing for 3: my 2 + the bike of the ubiquitous friend..), which wasn't going to be easy; the trailer is big, but not that big (14 x 7 with a v-nose), AND I wanted the whole thing to look cool, AND I can't afford the whole PitPal thing, SO I wanted to build the whole thing myself, outta wood. Oh, and did I mention I wanted it to look cool? "Heresy!", you shout. "Now you're just a greedy bastid!!" Well, maybe I am. Thing is, though, before I Plumb-ed, I Carpent-ed, and General Contact-ed, so I figured I could do a pretty bang up job overall, and it is turning out pretty tits, if I say so, but like I was saying, it's usually so fucking cold this time of year. But then, the weather last weekend was so freaking awesome, I ran out of excuses and finally decided to dive right in and pimp my transporter.
I was able to get a fair amount done last weekend; I built the shelves and bunks, and I figured out how I was going to attach the bunks to the wall and engineer the folding system and supports. When I planned my design, I decided to stain everything instead of painting it; the trailer came with white walls and a grey rubber coin floor, and I wanted to kind of contrast things, you know, make it Pop! So, I was also able to get the shelves and a fair amount of the lumber stock which I had stained; I didn't stain it all as I wasn't exactly sure on my final design for everything, or if I'd use all the material I bought. Still, like I said, I made a good start, and I figured I could finish most of the rest during the week, or this weekend, if need be.
Monday night, I was able to build the tire rack and attach some flat stock, which I plan on placing tie-down(up?) points on, to the walls. I didn't get the tire rack stained, but this was ok, as I figured I'd just do it with the helmet shelf and a few other pieces when I finished them.
Unfortunately, however, I wasn't able to work on anything for the rest of the week, so I really needed to get'er done this weekend, and also, I needed to crate the 996 motor so's I can ship it to California this week. Also unfortunately, I woke up this morning, and Fucking Hooray! Winter's back! Fucking Allllriiight!
So what did I do? Of course, I fucked off most of the day. I screwed around on here for a couple of hours, watched some TV, ate some crap. I finally took a shower around 2 and headed over to MCC to get a pallet for the crate project, and also borrowed a impact driver so I could get the clutch off the 996 motor, which pretty much did me in. I know, lame, right? Well, fuck you too. I'm as surprised as anyone that every day I wake up, I'm a day older, and now that I'm forty, and I haven't worked out in a while, I'm kind of a pussy, and all I do these days is work and prepare for the season, and so I whine, and then I get tired, and just wait, someday it'll happen to you too, mother fucker. Besides, it was still shitty outside, which wasn't helping my motivation, at all.
Well, I finally figured I better get off my fat ass and work on the stupid trailer, because I need to get it done, because 1.) I need to get it out of my neighbor's driveway; she's cool as hell, but I don't want to abuse the privilege, and 2.) I still have a shitload of work to do on the fucking bikes. FUCKINGSHITSONOFABITCHDAMNITALLTOHELLTHISISREGODDA MNDICKULOUS!!!
Oh, Hi! Where was I? Oh yeah, so now it was 5:30, and I headed out to my cold-assed, damp, unheated garage to do some more damage. It wasn't too bad, really. I was able to dress warm enough without too much bulk, and I built the helmet rack toot sweet, and pretty slick to boot. What I really wanted to do, though, was stain everything so that I could install it all tomorrow. First, though, I had to get the tire racks and bunk components out of the trailer, which was across the street at my neighbor's, and which was a complete pain in my weiner because now, I was back out in the lovely northern Illinois March weather. Fuck you, Illinois March weather. You Suck, big time. "Wow", you say at this point. "This is really turning into quite a rant, isn't it?" You got that right. Welcome to my party; I'll cry if I damn well feel like it, and I do indeedy.
At this point, I decided to chill a little bit, so, since the power tools were all safely stowed, and everything was ready for staining, I fetched myself a tasty brew from the domestic dwelling and also partook in the, um, partaking of the, um, ceremonial pre-staining, naturally occuring, ceremonial herbal ritual, as practiced by my ancestors, and their ancestors before them, prior to most, or preferably all, staining activities. So, after all the pomp, ceremony, and circumstance had wound down, I opened my can of stain, only to realize that I probably didn't have enough fucking stain to fucking stain fucking everything. "Fuck it!", said I. "I'm just going to hold out for some kind of fucking fish, wine, and stain fucking miracle! Somehow, I just know, in my cold, shriveled, sacrilegious heart, that I'll have enough stain!" And, just like that, I bravely began to stain.
Fifteen minutes and one stained tire rack later, I admitted to myself, tearily,
that no way in hell did I have enough stain, and now it was 9:16, and Home Depot was probably closed, and even if it was open, I was into my second beer, and I was also herbally, and ceremoniously, ritualized, and the weather was even shittier still (How was this possible?), and life sometimes just sucks. Still, I really, REALLY wanted to just get this fucking onerous chore finished, and I don't even really want to fucking race anymore, or do anything except curl up in a fucking ball, and suck my thumb... Whuh? Oh, yeah, so I headed into the house to call and see if HD was open. Of course, the back yard is a muddy shithole, so I went in through the basement door, and all of the sudden, a little bulb flickers on in the shadowy recesses of my feeble mind as I walk past the closet where I keep all my house paint.
Maybe, just maybe... See, the thing is, I don't normally stain stuff. I've redone a lot of the house, and I put in wood floors, and doors, and some other stuff, but I'm a natural-wood kind of guy. I tend to buy unique woods and just varnish them; after all, Owl Hardwoods is just down St. Charles Road. What this means, though, is that I'm doubting that I'll have much of a stain selection, and I'm really doubtful that I'll have Cherry, which is the color I picked to really jazz up my Porta-garage Majal, don't ask me why I thought Cherry would be the shit, I pretty much just picked up a fucking can of stain after I had to sort through huge piles of fucked up shitty two by fours and splintered fucking plywood sheets and fucking warped to hell one-bys for 2 fucking hours at fucking Home Depot last fucking weekend to get the small fucking supply of fucking material I needed for my little (fucking) weekend project. Meanwhile, back in our narration, I throw open the closet door and start flinging old cans of dried up paint all over the place, fervently, no, rabidly, hoping for some sort of respite, some glimmer of hope, a tiny ray of light. And, nothing. Some Natural (of course), some Colonial, some Ipswitch Pine, more selection than I expected, really, but not a lick of Cherry in sight. At this point, I figure fuck it, I'm just going to mix what I have, try to get close, AND WHO REALLY GIVES A FUCK ANYWAY, IT'S JUST A FUCKING TRAILER. So, I pick up the 2 small cans that are off to the side, just to have a more varied palette of tones with which to tint my tincture, when HARK! What's this? A quart can of Minwax product of some sort.. Could it be... Holy Jeebus H on a freaking Popsicle stick, it IS a miracle! THANKYAJESUSCANIGETANAMEN. Yep, Cherry. And actually, it was just kind of in the corner on the top shelf, and I'm kinda short, and I just didn't see it right away, but still, I came in my pants just a wee bit.
Newly invigorated and optimistic about the whole wide world and everything in it, I floated back out to my bastion of solitude and staining kick-assedness, and happily achieved my stated goals and aspirations for the day. With a bit of luck and a fair amount of grit, I am once again confident that I shall complete this mighty undertaking, well, mostly anyway, on the fine morrow. For now, though, I'm shagged. And, I have a fairly potent little contact high going on, what with all the fucking staining and all, and it's making me paranoid how you're looking at my words as you read them, so I think I'll just go freak out in private now. I'll post some pictures later, after the project's done, and hopefully, I'll have come back down by then as well.
Seriously, I feel you judging me. Stop it now, you Fuckers. Just fuck off....
There will always be a better ride out there. It's not the bike that bends, it's the rider. There is no spoon.
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Last edited by Farmboy69; 03-29-2009 at 03:12 AM.