stole this from another board - some of these are pretty funnny:
Don't buy the $1800 Dainese T-Age leathers as your first suit. Buy the $500 AGV one in a solid color so it's easier to repair.
Give the corner workers presents (preferably presents which shield the sun).
Don't buy a sport bike for the "street." You will be planning its track conversion within a month. You are now and forever doomed to have street riding ruined for you because the voice in your head will constantly remind you of how much better the bike would be on the track.
Don't worry about that guy who spent $100,000 in his first season on a 2001 GSXR1000, GSXR750 and GSXR600 all race-prepped with matching paint jobs, a Ford F350 Super duty and a 50-foot gooseneck trailer. Next year when he turns expert he will either become discouraged because he can no longer win races with money alone, or spend even more money and start doing AMA (and be out of your town).
Just tell your mom that you're a dirt biker. She thinks that's safer for some reason.
Never listen to the advice of the mystery guy who appears and starts giving you tips about how to improve the efficiency and power of the brakes, especially if it involves grease. He probably works for another team and is trying to narrow the field.
If something "probably doesn't" need to be safety-wired, it does. Draw the line at some point though. The chain does not need to be safety wired onto the sprockets, nor do the tires need to be safety wired onto the wheels.
OPEN PRACTICE SESSIONS AND RACE SCHOOLS:
If the track is empty enough to run sessions with combined bikes and cars, try to stay away from the guy with the $300,000 World Challenge car which he can't even release the clutch on without stalling.
Make friends with the track marshal so you can have the $300,000 World Challenge car guy kicked off the track.
If someone runs you off the track but you save the bike, don't flip him off when he looks back. He will do a better job next time.
Usually when taking a session it's good to focus on a specific technique. Save your victory lap wheelie practice session for last.
If you think that perfecting a certain corner will get your lap times down > to a respectable number, but are ten seconds off the pace, maybe you should start looking at other corners as well.
If your race instructor says, "yes I think you have some potential," he is > thinking 'maybe with another $5000 of instruction time.'
RACERS (WHILE AT A RACE):
"Practice" and "Race" sound completely different because they are. At least attempt to know what direction the track runs in and where the turns are before the green flag is raised.
When the black flag is held up and the corner worker points to you, it > doesn't mean you're in the lead.
The ambulance crew doesn't like it when you attempt to cut off their line to make a pass.
If you set up a corner at maximum speed, slide the rear as you hit the apex and right as you prepare to get back on the throttle, someone on a 125 passes you on the outside while flipping you off for taking his line, perhaps it's time to reconsider your suspension settings.
Yes, Nutec would probably give your bike a few extra horsepower if you want to pay the $15 a gallon. That might just make the difference between being lapped on the 5th lap and being lapped on the 6th lap.
Always wave at little kids. It doesn't matter to them how good you are, they're just happy to be waved at.
4 STROKE RACERS:
A K&N filter, slip on exhaust and taping over the lights usually doesn't constitute "fully race prepped," especially in a classified ad.
If your bike has carburetors, you do not need the $300 fuel computer you just bought from Yoshimura.
If your bike is fuel injected, you don't need the $250 jet kit you just bought from Mikuni.
If you want to know what it's like to race a 125GP bike, just ride normally, but sit on your gas tank (while still crouched under the fairing), use only half throttle and shift at 8000. Oh yeah, seize the engine too.
If you want the experience of riding a 250GP bike, sit far forward on your bike with your grollies mashed into the tank, use 3/4 throttle and shift at 9000. Also, seize the engine.
2 STROKE RACERS:
You're probably going to seize your bike. Especially if you ignored all those people telling you about "taping your radiator," "jetting," and "premixing fuel."
Don't use Carbon-Kevler rotors with Kevlar sintered pads and DOT4 brake fluid... especially if you ride a 125 with a dual front rotor conversion and Brembo calipers.
Don't ever ride hard with a friend's 4 stroke. You WILL crash it.
There's almost always a mysterious guy who races a 125 that nobody knows but loves to spread rumors about. Apparently, he used to race pro in another country but quit because it was too easy and now races for fun. He also runs lap times 5 seconds faster than the superbikes. Don't worry about it too much, because you'll never be as fast as him, ever. He's also at least 10 years younger than you.
If you are considering going to 4 strokes, try not to jump directly to a Yamaha R1 from your Honda RS125.
If there's a problem with your bike that you just can't seem to track down, make a list of all the parts that could possibly be suspect. Then buy the three most expensive parts on that list and try swapping them out. You won' t fix the problem, but at least you'll have the spares.
Win a race and have any man at the track.
When Nicky Hayden says that he's "always happy to talk to the fans," he's just trying to find a way to get you out of his private hot tub in the Honda trailer.
In conjunction with the above, just because your ticket says "Exclusive Garage and Pit Pass" doesn't mean you are any different than the other 5,000 people in the pits.
Don't sit on Pascal Piccote's Harley Superbike and make "vrooming" noises.
If you want to get a feel for what racers do most of the time, buy a motorcycle then drag it behind your car for a few blocks. Repair it and then ride it for 10 miles before dragging it behind your car again. Repeat as many times as necessary.
To simulate the sensation of low siding the bike, hang onto the bike while someone else drags it behind the car.
When Rich Oliver is "miraculously" passed, then the passing rider "mysteriously" low sides half a lap later, it probably isn't a coincidence.
ASPIRING PRO RACERS:
Stop talking about how you'd be just as fast as Eric Bostrom if you "had the same factory support as him." Nobody believes you and they never have.
I don't care what the ad in the back of Roadracing World says, because they still won't hire you as an instructor.