Kinda a personal question (but still track related) - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 03:51 PM Thread Starter
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Kinda a personal question (but still track related)

Hate to be "that guy" and ask this on a public forum but...

Let's say you have an SO who really disapproves of the whole 2 wheels thing. Doesn't approve of racing or track days even. I'm in a relationship with someone like that right now and her attitude is basically "you can have your fun for a couple more years but you gotta quit before the relationship can go any farther," and it's gotten to be a real point of contention lately. The probability of splitting up if I can't make a commitment to give up the track is pretty much guaranteed.

Seeing as how most of you guys here are also track guys and have families too, what do you think about this? Is losing a pretty great relationship for a hobby worth it? Is it selfish for me to want to make someone else take on the risks and dangers with me? Or is it just not meant to be if she can't support me in the things that I love to do despite the danger?

Having a hard time with this one and been debating it. Deep down I think I know the answer though, but it's still really tough call to make and no choice seems like the right one. What do you guys think?

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post #2 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 03:54 PM
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find yourself another man. If your SO can't deal with you doing something you love.. then they gots to go!
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post #3 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 03:55 PM
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Seems to me that she entered into this whole thing knowing full well that this was a significant part of your life (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Jon)...that being said, it seems pretty unfair of her to put an ultimatum down like that. However, if she's just saying that financially priorities have to change well that's another story. I would have a hard time with someone who's intent for our "relationship" was to take away such an important part of who I was. Again though, if she is just saying that you would have to change your priority list that's different.

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post #4 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 03:56 PM
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If a woman cant support the things you love in life then your relationship is doomed. she has to understand what makes you happy and embrace it or you will be miserable, just as you have to do the same for her.

I had to give up my bike when we moved together as I needed the cash, but right after we got married and got our first house she went out and bought me a Busa, to make up for my sacrifice for our future.




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post #5 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 03:56 PM
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find yourself another man. If your SO can't deal with you doing something you love.. then they gots to go!
+1 you need a new man.

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post #6 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 03:57 PM
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I can see if your "SO" has an issue with riding on the street since it is dangerous, but the track is a pretty controlled environment. If your "SO" isn't going to let you live your life the way you want I say move on. Find someone who will enrich your life, not hinder it.

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post #7 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 03:59 PM
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find yourself another man. If your SO can't deal with you doing something you love.. then they gots to go!
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post #8 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 03:59 PM
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I think it depends on how much racing, track, and motorcycling means to you. At this time in my life, motorcycling is a big part of my life and I am not ready to give it up for anyone. In a few years, things may change. If you are going to be around this girl, and have to pretend to be someone else around her all the time that is no good. What good is it to be in a relationship where you can't be yourself. Also, is she willing to compromise, or is she saying no motorcycling at all?

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post #9 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:00 PM
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What does she look like and can she suck cock like a pr0n star?

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post #10 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:00 PM Thread Starter
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find yourself another man.
Bastard

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post #11 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:02 PM
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It's not worth arguing about...at least not right now. Just nod your head for the next few years. But at some point, you'll need to decide what is more important to you.

I quit after 5 years of trackdays when we had our son, but it was too be home every weekend to spend time with them. I havent given up entirely though as I still have a couple bikes.
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post #12 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CerkMX View Post
Seems to me that she entered into this whole thing knowing full well that this was a significant part of your life (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Jon)...that being said, it seems pretty unfair of her to put an ultimatum down like that. However, if she's just saying that financially priorities have to change well that's another story. I would have a hard time with someone who's intent for our "relationship" was to take away such an important part of who I was. Again though, if she is just saying that you would have to change your priority list that's different.
Couldn't have said it better. What's life without being able to fulfill your passion.

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post #13 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:05 PM
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I had one of those when I was younger.



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post #14 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:06 PM

 
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Sounds like she wants you to be someone you aren't. Your a track rider and racer along with all the other things you are to her. It's a tough position either way. My SO is too supportive. Always telling me to go to more track days or races and buy whatever bike or gear I need. It's really hard to be rational and ignore her wishes.

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post #15 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:07 PM
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I had one of those when I was younger.



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Had what??? bastard, man, or pron star cocksucker?
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post #16 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:07 PM
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Be like Rocky.. Say this to her.... "yo adrian.. I never asked you to stop being a woman, don't ask me to stop being a man."
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post #17 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:10 PM Thread Starter
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Seems to me that she entered into this whole thing knowing full well that this was a significant part of your life (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Jon)...that being said, it seems pretty unfair of her to put an ultimatum down like that. However, if she's just saying that financially priorities have to change well that's another story. I would have a hard time with someone who's intent for our "relationship" was to take away such an important part of who I was. Again though, if she is just saying that you would have to change your priority list that's different.
It's not really a financial issue, the risk is what she is concerned about. I have no problems cutting back or stopping for a while if there are other financial obligations, so that isn't a problem.

She did know full well about the racing, in fact she went with me to my first race weekend ever. I did suggest that I probably won't be doing this forever and may give it up after having kids someday, but she wants me to promise to stop within the next couple years. Can't really see myself agreeing to something like that.

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post #18 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:13 PM Thread Starter
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It's not worth arguing about...at least not right now. Just nod your head for the next few years. But at some point, you'll need to decide what is more important to you.

I quit after 5 years of trackdays when we had our son, but it was too be home every weekend to spend time with them. I havent given up entirely though as I still have a couple bikes.
Hahaha, I tried that approach, and kids is many, many years away. I even suggested that I would be more amicable towards the idea after having kids myself. However, she is pressuring me right now for me to promise to stop after X number of years. I think she believes it's a phase and something I need to grow out of eventually

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post #19 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:14 PM
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Jon, explain to her how much riding means to you. Try and meet her somewhere inbetween with the whole deal. Make sure she has at least a half of bottle of wine down when you bring it up.

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post #20 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:16 PM Thread Starter
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I think it depends on how much racing, track, and motorcycling means to you. At this time in my life, motorcycling is a big part of my life and I am not ready to give it up for anyone. In a few years, things may change. If you are going to be around this girl, and have to pretend to be someone else around her all the time that is no good. What good is it to be in a relationship where you can't be yourself. Also, is she willing to compromise, or is she saying no motorcycling at all?
Her compromise is to have me quit after X years... for her that figure is like 2. For me it's "whenever I damn well please woman!"

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post #21 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:21 PM
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It's not really a financial issue, the risk is what she is concerned about. I have no problems cutting back or stopping for a while if there are other financial obligations, so that isn't a problem.

She did know full well about the racing, in fact she went with me to my first race weekend ever. I did suggest that I probably won't be doing this forever and may give it up after having kids someday, but she wants me to promise to stop within the next couple years. Can't really see myself agreeing to something like that.
I probably shouldn't have made the priority issue solely a financial one...i was more meaning potentially family, home, that sort of thing

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post #22 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:22 PM
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post #23 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:23 PM
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Sounds like she needs reassurance on the risks.


She thinks it's dangerous based on what ? Guesswork ?


No we all know it is more dangerous than some other activites, however...
most accidents are minor, injuries are non life threatening. From time
to time ( Still miss you Shannon ) really bad things can happen but it
takes just the right alignment of mistakes.


Help her understand that it's not *THAT* dangerous really.


I would also say that love and therefore relationships are about acceptance.
If she cannot accept that this is who you are and expects you to change
that will be a problem for long-term happiness.


Best course is to try to change her mind about her objection with empathy and facts.


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post #24 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:34 PM
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Are you dating your mother?

It will only get worse first no bike then no going out with the boys then no beer in the house.

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post #25 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:36 PM
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I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't let me be who I am. I couldn't imagine asking, or forcing, someone to give up something that is a passion to that person. Passion is what draws a people to each other. You can't change a persons passion. If you give up a passion of yours, you will be miserably.

She doesn't realize that in a way that passion is what drew her to you. Now she is telling you to give it up, and still be the same person. It can't happen. Its what makes you, you.

Goodluck. I know what I would do, but I'm not you.

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post #26 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 04:57 PM
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Like motorcycling in general, going racing/doing track days is more of a lifestyle than a hobby. It consumes a significant amount of money and time and things can go catastrophically wrong in a heartbeat. Personally, I couldn't imagine being involved with someone who didn't share in at least a portion of that passion.

Successful relationships require both parties to be willing to compromise. Sometimes that means giving 110%. Perhaps the most solid, enduring relationships don't demand "ultimatums".

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post #27 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 05:08 PM
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Sounds like you're going to have to choose between bikes and her sometime in the future. Personally I wouldnt waste my time (not trying to sound harsh) with somebody that expects me to make that sort of personal sacrifice sometime down the road.

That being said, there are other fish in the sea and the grass can definitely be greener on the other side.
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post #28 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 05:10 PM
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Quote:
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Deep down I think I know the answer though, but it's still really tough call to make and no choice seems like the right one. What do you guys think?
Sounds like you already know what you'll need to do, but you are just looking for some support to actually do it. It's the hard choice, but if she can't understand the importance of it to you, then it'll also be an issue.

Granted, I'm a bit jealous of guys like Federson and Marshall who actually have their girls riding and are REALLY involved, but I'm happy that my girl supports my hobby enough to at least come out to Putnam least season and sit at the track for two days even though she was bored out of her mind by Sunday afternoon.

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I had to give up my bike when we moved together as I needed the cash, but right after we got married and got our first house she went out and bought me a Busa, to make up for my sacrifice for our future.
That's a keeper right there

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post #29 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 05:16 PM
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Jon.. listen to only married or divorced people. Girlfriends don't mean shit. GF's don't take half your shit when you break up with them.
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post #30 of 72 (permalink) Old 05-15-2007, 05:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gkotlin View Post
My SO is too supportive. Always telling me to go to more track days or races
that's b/c she is cheating on you

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