Dear EMR, I think I sharted.... - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
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Dear EMR, I think I sharted....

Quote:
Dear EMR,

I was sitting in my cubicle today trying to let out a little gas quietly. Next thing I notice I let out a surprise fart that could be heard from surrounding cubilcles. I was wondering, what is the proper etiquette for farting at work???


Sincerely,
Smelly in Schaumburg
Dear Smelly,
The "proper" etiquette for farting at work is one of following 3 options:
  1. dont do it
  2. drop bomb in vacinity of corworkers you dislike
  3. fart in bathroom

If none of these options are available you should attempt to hold it till one option presents itself. If you choose to funk up your own cube that's your problem. If however you've gone audible with something intended to be silent immediately go into a coughing fit, or wheel your squeeky chair around a bunch to disguise your faux pas.

Sincerely,
Pissed off monkey for getting such a lame advice request
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 04:01 PM
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What if you have a desk fan, does that change the rules around at all?

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 04:04 PM
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...so, being a monkey and thus known for you exceptional grooming skills, how does one handle a true "shart" at work...in other words quickly, discretely and properly rectifying the "situation".

Tom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tacitus
In a state where corruption abounds, laws must be very numerous.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 04:06 PM
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oh boy this is some funny stuff!!!

domo arigato Mr. Roboto
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 04:07 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CerkMX View Post
...so, being a monkey and thus known for you exceptional grooming skills, how does one handle a true "shart" at work...in other words quickly, discretely and properly rectifying the "situation".
thusly...
  1. "dear god, what is that stench. I gotta get some air before you fuckers gas me to death."
  2. Then exit to bathroom.
  3. Throw undewear away.
  4. Dampen several dozen paper towels with warm water.
  5. Clean asshole.
  6. Return to work commando style.
  7. Do not attempt another fart.
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 04:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EMR View Post
thusly...
  1. "dear god, what is that stench. I gotta get some air before you fuckers gas me to death."
  2. Then exit to bathroom.
  3. Throw undewear away.
  4. Dampen several dozen paper towels with warm water.
  5. Clean asshole.
  6. Return to work commando style.
  7. Do not attempt another fart.
You truly are wise....but, what if you were already going commando?

Steve
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Dirt: TBD
I love bike shopping.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 04:19 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePro8 View Post
You truly are wise....but, what if you were already going commando?
If you have a history of shartage you should not be running commando. If you have a history of shartage and insist on going commando you should be prepared with spare pants, or just wear brown pants.
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 10:10 PM
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Where do I begin oh wise primate?

1. Shartage? - I am sooooo using this phrase - Thank you once more
2. Proper use of the term Faux Pas? - Not sure where your Education was obtained but I am prepared to make a sizable donation to such a fine institution - Bravo!
3. The ability to pass along such wisdom and yet clarify the fact of doing so with such a degree of lameness in the initial request? - Brilliant

I am wiser for reading this thread!

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming WOW, what a RIDE !!"
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 10:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bug View Post
Where do I begin oh wise primate?

1. Shartage? - I am sooooo using this phrase - Thank you once more
2. Proper use of the term Faux Pas? - Not sure where your Education was obtained but I am prepared to make a sizable donation to such a fine institution - Bravo!
3. The ability to pass along such wisdom and yet clarify the fact of doing so with such a degree of lameness in the initial request? - Brilliant

I am wiser for reading this thread!
You sir are a first class ass kisser.

Tom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tacitus
In a state where corruption abounds, laws must be very numerous.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 10:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Bug View Post
I am wiser for reading this thread!
Can you help us save this poor beached whale? He seems to have something lodged in his blow-hole.

"Of course I can help."

Are you a marine biologist?

"No, but I read EMR."

If you ain't with us, then it's just bad news.
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 10:17 PM
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Can you help us save this poor beached whale? He seems to have something lodged in his blow-hole.

"Of course I can help."

Are you a marine biologist?

"No, but I read EMR."
"The sea was angry that day my friend - Angry like an old man trying to return soup at the Deli"

Cerk - I can appreciate a fellow wordsmith when I see one - If the above confuses you, PM me and I can explain the big words to you

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming WOW, what a RIDE !!"
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 10:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bug View Post
"The sea was angry that day my friend - Angry like an old man trying to return soup at the Deli"

Cerk - I can appreciate a fellow wordsmith when I see one - If the above confuses you, PM me and I can explain the big words to you


Well played sir.


"I said eeeeeeeeasy big fella!"

Tom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tacitus
In a state where corruption abounds, laws must be very numerous.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 10:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CerkMX View Post


Well played sir.


"I said eeeeeeeeasy big fella!"
"So I looked into the eye of the great Mammal, FISH, Whatever"

"Is it a Titelist?" - "Whole in One"

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming WOW, what a RIDE !!"
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 10:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bug View Post
"So I looked into the eye of the great Mammal, FISH, Whatever"

"Is it a Titelist?" - "Whole in One"

"why couldn't you make me an architect!!??...marine biologist...you got me swimming with the turtles in the galapagos (sp?) islands"

Tom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tacitus
In a state where corruption abounds, laws must be very numerous.
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-27-2007, 11:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EMR View Post
thusly...
  1. "dear god, what is that stench. I gotta get some air before you fuckers gas me to death."
  2. Then exit to bathroom.
  3. Throw undewear away.
  4. Dampen several dozen paper towels with warm water.
  5. Clean asshole.
  6. Return to work commando style.
  7. Do not attempt another fart.
I do not like using warm water. I prefer cold water from the back of the tank. Still clensing, but cool and refreshing.
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