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· The Victim Newbie
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Today, a consortium of technology companies lead by Microsoft, Intel, Nvidia, and Niko Mac announced the formation of the Travels In Time consortium. The consortium was founded by the pioneer in flux capacitance, an optoelectronic switch that folds space, Dr. Frank Herbert of the University of Ardknox.

The machine works on the basis of work done in the field of time bending by Professor Barnum of DeVry University in Northridge, California.

"We have examined Professor Barnum's research and can endorse his findings fully. It is pretty clear to anyone with half a pizza for a brain that a quantum metaphysical state of absolution can be recreated inside of a vacuum from a non-Hoovermatic, and thereby induce anti-matter in the fourth dimension, creating origami-like folds in time. Then, yáll can just zip right on through." Said a spokeperson for the WWF.


Gates' Open Source Vision

Bill Gates, who has personally pledged nine zillion dollars to the consortium from his Mt. Rainier Day Fund, said, "For many years now I have realized that having a great deal of wealth is a curse, and not a blessing. I would like to go back in time and do it all again, but this time make Windows open source. And, with my experiences in the last twenty five years, I believe I am well positioned to get the kind of girls then that I could never get, well, then."

"Obviously, I don't share Bill's vision, but will dutifully put my company's MSN development funds at the disposal of the consortium," said a worried Steve Ballmer, acting CEO of Microsoft, "We cannot miss out on any more trends, okay! However, I am looking forward to getting back to my hair."

Intel's management team refused to speak to us, but a spokesperson for the company did tell us that the crushing of AMD was paramount in the minds of the company. "We could have taken them out back in the eighties. We want to see how they would have made out competing with the Intel 8064-bit back in the eighties. We are also looking forward to being able to get back and invest in our own stock. And, of course, we will completely expunge the whole Pentium III line from our history."

AMD issued a terse reply saying, "We are encouraged to hear that Intel is, yet again, following in our footsteps. We have had instructions for time travel in our chips since the early nineties, but just could not be bothered to use them. Only last week, one of our engineers was present at the signing of the Magna Carta."
 

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You know it's funny that this article was made because the goverment authorized the use of some funding for airlines to invest in teleportation it was a whopping 5000$ but still interesting. There was also something about Time travel associated with it.
 
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