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Who's faster Lupi
4,957 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the
Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea. . Does that mean that one
enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:

A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the

C. Baptists do not recognize each Other in the liquor store or
at Hooters

6. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?

7. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?

8. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

9. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

10. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

11. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

12. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your
two cents in. . . What happens to the other penny?

13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

14. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?

15. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

16. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a racecar not called a racist?

17. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

18. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

19. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

20. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

21. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed.

22. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge. Would they call it Fed UP?

23. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

24. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

25. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
as they get older then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final

26. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

27. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?

28. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?

29. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

30. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

31. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't

32. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door
went nuts.

33. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

34. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

2,765 Posts
wolfgang said:
Yep ya gotta love George. I think he smokes a pound of dope before discovering any of his jokes.
George is a flippin genious. Some of the shit he comes up with are so, "Out of Wack." Makes you stop and say, "hhhmmmmm" sometimes!

1,877 Posts
Carlin Rocks!

BTW, I think Ody should answer this:

24. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
:laughing :laughing :laughing :laughing

9,589 Posts
He does come up with the best!:laughing

Here's one for ya.

Does a blind man (from birth) have dreams?
If so what does he see?


Why is there brail on a drive up ATM?
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