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· stuck in 6th gear,
5,570 Posts
Happy Bday


* "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

* Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.

* All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

* At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

* Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

* Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

* In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

* It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

* It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

* It takes twice as long to look half as good.

* It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

* Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

* No one expects you to run into a burning building.

* People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

* The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

* The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

* The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

* The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

* There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

* Things you buy now won't wear out.

* When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

* When happy hour is a nap.

* When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

* When you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.

* When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

* When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

* When you stop buying green bananas.

* When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

* When your birth certificate says expired on it.

* When you're told to act your own age, and you die.

* You and your teeth don't sleep together.

* You are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course.

* You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

* You burn the midnight oil until 9:00 P.M.

* You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

* You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

* You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

* You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.

* You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

* You don't remember being absent minded.

* You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.

* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

* You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.

* You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

* You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

* You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

* You get exercise acting as a pallbearer for friends who exercise.

* You get winded playing chess.

* You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

* You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

* You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

* You just can't stand people who are intolerant.

* You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

* You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."

* You look both ways before crossing a room.

* You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.

* You look forward to a dull evening.

* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

* You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

* You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

* You sing along with the elevator music.

* You sink your teeth into a steak ...and they stay there.

* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

* You start video taping daytime game shows.

* You take a metal detector to the beach.

* You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

* You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

* You wear black socks with sandals.

* You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

* You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.

* You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

* Your back goes out more than you do.

* Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

* Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

* Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.

* Your ears are hairier than your head.

* Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

* Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

* Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

* Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

* Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

* Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

* Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

* Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

* Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by.

* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

* You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

* You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

* You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.


· CLSB RESIDENT *******!!!!
1,311 Posts
:thumbsup HAPPY B-DAY!!:thumbsup


· Slayed by the Dragon
624 Posts
Happy Birthday Bro.:thumbsup
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