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BEER!
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5,970 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This one's funny! Brighten the day on Wednesday. Don't get offended, these jokes are older than you are!


> Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage
>
> 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
> little beverage, then comes good food and companionship.
> She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
>
> 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario
> and mine is in Tucson.
>
> 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her
> way back.
>
> 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
> anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
> she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
>
> 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
>
> 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and
> electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many
> gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an
> electric chair.
>
> 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
> there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car
> was, she told me, "In the Lake."
>
> 8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
> the mud fell off.
>
> 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
> late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
>
> 10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of
> divorce.
>
> 11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with
> marriage.
>
> 12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first
> name was Always.
>
> 13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't
> like to interrupt her.
>
> 14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's
> on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
>
>
 

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:laughing :laughing :rofl

So bitter yet never married:laughing :laughing :D
 

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BEER!
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5,970 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Crazy said:
:laughing :laughing :rofl

So bitter yet never married:laughing :laughing :D
Who's bitter? I'm not. Some of those old guy jokes are funny. W.C. Fields was another funny one. A buddy of mine found some old cologne made by him. It burned when you smelled it. I didn't have the guts to actually where the crap.

I have to get all my toys before I get hitched.

Chris
 

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GroverSV650S said:


Who's bitter? I'm not. Some of those old guy jokes are funny. W.C. Fields was another funny one. A buddy of mine found some old cologne made by him. It burned when you smelled it. I didn't have the guts to actually where the crap.

I have to get all my toys before I get hitched.

Chris
LOL good idea. It is funny somebody sent me this in an email last week.:cheers
 

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Who's faster Lupi
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nice list Grover, some are pretty funny.
 

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BEER!
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Crazy said:


LOL good idea. It is funny somebody sent me this in an email last week.:cheers
Yeah, I got it over email. From a girl. :rolleyes
 

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GroverSV650S said:


Yeah, I got it over email. From a girl. :rolleyes
If she truly understands marry her now.:laughing :laughing LOL:laughing :laughing
 

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"PC" ,my balls
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GroverSV650S said:
I have to get all my toys before I get hitched.


And then have to sell them all.
 

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bluebusa60544 said:
GroverSV650S said:
I have to get all my toys before I get hitched.


And then have to sell them all.
I almost forgot about that. Let me tell you how much that hurts Grover.:mad :mad :mad

J/K except for my truck I've been pretty lucky so far.;)
 

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Evil Moderatrix,
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8,030 Posts
You just need to find a woman who either has her own toys or wants to play with yours! :cheers
 

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KBOlsen said:
You just need to find a woman who either has her own toys or wants to play with yours! :cheers

must....keep....mouth...shut....

must...show...some...respect....


(i'm sure someone else will take care of that comment for me!):twofinger
 

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BEER!
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5,970 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Crazy said:


If she truly understands marry her now.:laughing :laughing LOL:laughing :laughing
Can't. Lives far away and seriously dated a friend=off limits.

Speaking of that, I've got to call him and remind him of the party.

Chris
 
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